Internships:
If that full time job is not right around the corner, and the company you really want to work for offers an internship, consider applying for it. Internships are a great way to network within that dream company and mostly likely if you are a good fit, it might just land you a full time job. Most internships are only a couple months long so keep this as an option, you never know where it might lead. Also don’t be afraid to ask if they would consider you for a full time position after the internship is completed.

Networking:
Networking is a powerful tool and is often over-looked as a job search tool. “It’s all about who you know” is very true in connecting candidates with an interviewer or recruiter. Networking requires work and sometimes you may have to force yourself to become comfortable selling “you” to people that you are meeting for the first time. Developing a networking comfort zone is a necessary job skill, so there’s no better time to start than right now. Networking is a great way to get face time with recruiters, business owners, other young professionals and HR reps. Always have your business cards ready and don’t be afraid to tell people you just graduated and are currently looking for a job.

Wait staff/serving:
If you need a job this summer that pays the bills, try to find a serving job with a great lunch or happy hour crowd. What better way to network then serving food to lots of professionals over lunch. I served at a restaurant with a really busy lunch crowd and was able to make many connections that I still have today. Remember to always carry your business cards with you, even while serving.

Our November 9 Career Chat covered the challenges involved in initiating conversations and networking your way to a job. Joining us was Debbie Langford (@LangfordDeb), a Right Management career consultant.

Below are the key takeaways from the chat:

Special thanks to @theantiresume @jendiva1 @KCDEE5 @hfazlani @rockthehunt @jackiej04 @ComeRecommended @SuzanneLahaije @Careerbright @michmerc @SeanMMasters @CareerAction @CondeNastJobs @SaleStart @jessieolivia @Recruit4u @PushJobs @norateele and @MaggieMistal!

Don’t miss our Career Chat on Twitter (#careerchat) each Tuesday at 12:00 pm CT. Your hosts are Becky Benishek (@MyPath_MP) and Amanda Gulralski (@bizMebizgal), Gen Y career expert and publisher and cofounder of bizMe.biz online magazine. You can learn about upcoming topics and submit your questions by following @MyPath_MP and @bizMebizgal.

What makes the second dream so frightening is that it could happen. Well, maybe not in the literal sense—I don’t normally attend professional events in the nude. But we’ve all experienced that feeling of being completely exposed and alone in a crowd, especially at work-related soirees, where the pressure to perform hangs ominously over our heads.

Unless you were born with the gift of gab, the thought of small-talking your way to networking success probably makes you feel like you just ate an undercooked cocktail weenie. But fear not, shy one—with a few simple tips, you’ll be able to schmooze with the best of them—and still have your dignity in the morning.

What’s the big deal about small talk?

This fact is pretty depressing if you’re drowning in a mountain of student loans, but a 1989 study of Stanford University MBAs suggests that grade point average—and possibly even that advanced degree you hold so dear—has little to do with career success. Rather, it’s “verbal fluency” , your ability to talk to people, that predicts how successful you will be.

Think about it logically: a good conversationalist has an advantage in nearly every aspect of business, starting with getting your coveted position. Interviewing successfully in this competitive economy means making connections, not just having a pretty resume. If you can find some way to relate to the person interrogating—sorry, I mean interviewing —you, you’ll make a better impression.

Virginia Lam, a 30-year-old Chief of Staff to the President of a high-profile New York City PR firm and former deputy press secretary for NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, is in a career field known for it’s schmooze factor. Her unique talents in verbal fluency are not only a career requisite, but have also allowed her to work seamlessly across a number of industries (she started out in the corporate world, then moved into politics, and most recently has been working with clients in the real estate and entertainment fields), while never appearing to be a rookie. “Being able to clearly articulate ideas and opinions is a critical skill set, no matter what industry you work in,” says Lam.

Her small talk abilities allow her to quickly find common ground in even the most intimidating job interviews. “You should never be afraid to engage the interviewer. Ask questions, listen to their answers and build the conversation. Find ways to connect your experiences to their own or with the role you’re seeking at the company. Being engaging doesn’t have to mean being overly aggressive. Often times, people confuse the two.”

Small Talk 2.0: Conversing in a digital world

You get the point: small talk is a big asset to your career. But especially for our high-tech generation, conversation can be a challenge. Susan RoAnne, considered one of the foremost experts on small talk (she literally wrote the book on the subject How To Work a Room, Collins, 2000) devoted an entire new book to this very problem. In Face to Face: How to Reclaim The Personal Touch in a Digital World (Fireside, 2008), RoAnne warns that all our emailing, texting, and instant messaging may save us time, but rob us of “the opportunity to build rapport, trust, and connections, as well as the unexpected benefits that happen in the face-to-face space.”

Even if we are down the hall from a coworker, we often send emails rather than talk in person. Social settings like corporate retreats, parties and conferences may be our only chance to make the personal connections so vital to our personal and professional success. Small talk has become even more important, but unfortunately, our lack of face-to-face contact has made it more difficult. In Face to Face, RoAnne says that the “national average of those of us who self-identify as shy has increased from 80 percent in 1985 to 93 percent in 2000.”

Rather than hiding behind your laptop, try conversing on a daily basis with anyone you can—taxi drivers, grocery store clerks, or your doorman. You’ll find that you’ll get better at it the more you do it, making you more confident in your conversational abilities when it really counts.

Gender Divide: It’s a fine line between flirting and small talk

It may not be P.C. to bring this up, but there’s no escaping our gender differences. There’s been a plethora of research on how differently men and women communicate, and how this can affect corporate sociology. Can small talk be addressed from a masculine/feminine perspective as well? You bet your cute little butt it can.

That was offensive, wasn’t it? I’m sure you have a very cute tush, but it doesn’t have any relevancy to this discussion. But if we’d been talking about chatting up a cute guy in a bar, you probably wouldn’t have batted an eye at that comment.

It’s frustrating, but the only difference between conversing at a bar and chatting at a business meeting is the attire (hopefully) and context. Obviously, you’re supposed to be in professional, networking mode while in a business environment, but schmoozing can feel awfully close to flirting. Wait, you’re probably thinking. We have a hard enough time being taken seriously in the workplace, and now we have to worry about how our efforts at small talk will be misconstrued?

RoAnne assures us that we can avoid sending the wrong message with a few no-nonsense tactics. “If you don’t want to be misinterpreted, watch your language when you’re among men you don’t know . . . watch for double entendres, since we can easily put out signals we don’t mean to put out.”

Lam has avoided awkwardness by keeping a close eye on the tone and purpose of her small talk. “If you ever feel the conversation sliding into unprofessional territory, there are easy ways to bring it back. Again, it goes back to listening. If you listen carefully, you’ll be able to drive the conversation and bring it back to a professional level.”

Dealing with sexual politics isn’t the only problem for women when it comes to small talk. The next time you have trouble being extroverted in a crowd, blame society (hey, it’s better than blaming your mother). We may be living in a post-Feminist world, but cultural influences still berate us for being too “aggressive” or “overbearing” . For fear of being seen as brash, many of us are hesitant to start a conversation with a stranger, or use that conversation as a marketing tool.

Before you dismiss this article as a 1950′s diatribe for proper etiquette, let me assure you that there’s a silver lining. Despite having to be a little more cautious on the tone of our small talk, we have unique advantages as women. You know that old stereotype about men not wanting to ask directions, no matter how lost they are? In the book Why Can’t a Man Be More Like a Woman (Kensington 1995), author Sandra Beckwith explains this phenomenon by pointing out that men see asking questions as a sign of weakness. Since finding out about the other person is a vital aspect of small talk, it follows that we have a natural advantage as the more inquisitive sex. Women do not shy away from questions; we see it as an opportunity to gather information and build relationships. Just be aware that while most women will easily converse about more intimate subjects like home and family, men tend to prefer discussing current events, sports, or basically anything other than personal topics.

These types of generalizations probably get your blood boiling, but a grudging respect for gender differences will make you a better small talker in the long run.

The Nitty Gritty: A Small Talk Primer

The rules of small talk are short and sweet, much like a good small talk itself. Basically, you need to feel comfortable introducing yourself to a stranger; initiating a short, light conversation; making a good impression on the other person while allowing them to feel appreciated and entertained; and ending the conversation smoothly and politely.

Easy, right?

For most of us, this is paramount to curing cancer or beating Michael Phelps in the 200-meter freestyle. But truly, it isnt brain surgery—by breaking it down into bite size pieces, we can all learn to be sufficiently successful schmoozers.

Step 1: Breaking In, Breaking Through

The hardest parts of a successful schmooze session are the beginning and the end. The best way to start small talk is to make a comment about the event, followed by a related question that will allow the other person to share pertinent info. Let’s say you just met a woman while waiting in line at the bar at the corporate Christmas party:

You: Wow, this year’s turnout is much better than last year’s. The planning committee did a great job. Do you know anyone who was involved?
Total Stranger Woman: No, but my friend Leila works in Marketing and I know that they had some input into the venue.
You: Oh, my department—Research—is right down the hall from Marketing. They have the best coffee in their break room. You ever visit your friend’s office and try it?
Total Stranger Woman: I’m up in Sales on the fifth floor, but maybe I’ll have to start hanging out at Leila’s office. Might save me some money on Starbucks.

In that short exchange, you just learned that this stranger works in sales, has a friend whose office is down the hall from yours, and nurses a nasty addiction to caffeine. All great networking tidbits, and you’re only four lines into the conversation! Next step would be to introduce yourself with a smile and keep the chat going for a few more minutes, and voila! You are a small talkin’ champ.

If you’re still unsure how to initiate small talk, there are three tried-and-true ways to get you chatting up total strangers with ease:

1. Hang out near the food. People congregate there, and it gives you something to do and something to talk about. If you are reaching for a brownie at the same time as someone else, that can be an easy opening: “These look deadly, don’t they?”
2. Pick out a conversation piece. Comment (positively, of course) on someone’s tie, pin, or shoes. Better yet, wear an interesting accessory yourself. RoAnne holds up Madeline Albright as an example: Albright always wore an interesting pin to events. Foreign heads of state would be intrigued by what was on her lapel, making it easy to connect on some small level despite policy and cultural differences.
3. Approach people who are standing alone. It’s less intimidating than breaking into a group of talking, laughing people.

Step 2: Keeping it Going

Most experts agree: the best small talk tool is to ask a lot of questions. The reason questions work so well is that it allows the other person to talk about herself, making her feel like she is interesting and important. Meanwhile, while she’s talking, you can pick up valuable tidbits of information that can help you continue the conversation or even find creative ways of networking with her down the line. But beware—ask too many questions, or ask in the wrong way, and your schmoozing could feel like the Inquisition.

To avoid coming off like the Gestapo, RoAnne suggests practicing “O.A.R.” —observe, ask, reveal. With this technique, you make observations about the other person by asking questions and digesting the information you’re given. Then, you find a way to relate to her by sharing a related tidbit of your own—the “reveal” . “If you never share anything, it’s as if you’re in an interrogation . . . but if all you do is make observations, you’re pontificating,” warns RoAnne. “The magic is in the mix.”

Step 3: Subject Matter Matters

The best small talkers are well versed in a lot of arcane knowledge. Keeping up with your current events is easy in this Internet age; you don’t even need to read a newspaper to intelligently discourse on what’s happening in the world. TV shows and sports are great subjects, so there’s your excuse to watch the new 90210 or the big game. Avoid politics and religion like the plague, and you should be golden.

Small topics often lead to bigger topics, which can sometimes lead to networking opportunities. Which brings us to . . .

Step 4: Networking Is Not Just For Your Laptop

Before we go on, I must admit I have this tiny problem. When someone introduces himself, I immediately forget his name. So do as I say, not as I do: pay special attention during the introductory portion of your small talk session. Make sure you are pronouncing the person’s name correctly, and then use it as much as you can throughout the conversation. This will help keep your mental Rolodex sharp, because there is nothing more embarrassing than running into someone in the office hallway a week after talking to them for 20 minutes at a party, and not knowing their name. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Back to the topic: networking. In a social setting, it can be a catch-22. You don’t want to come off smarmy or opportunistic, but obviously, in a work environment, it’s all about making connections. Best way to do this? Skip the ulterior motives and just have a conversation. If an opportunity comes up to mention what it is you do or a way you might be able to assist the other person professionally, casually approach the subject and offer to follow up at a later time, while handing them your business card.

Step 5: Watch That Body Language

“Your body language in a conversation says a lot without you even uttering a word,” offers Lam, who has professionally hobnobbed with high-powered corporate execs, celebrities, and politicians. “In addition to listening well, here are a few other things you should consider: Are you making eye contact? Are you smiling or reacting appropriately to the conversation? Are you turned toward the person you’re speaking to? These physical cues are great indicators of how engaged a person is in a conversation.”

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who is constantly looking over your head to see if someone more important or interesting is walking by. Don’t be that person. Besides being rude, it is a surefire way to make a terrible impression on a potential career contact. You just never know how someone may play into your future goals, so don’t burn your bridges. If you feel the need to get out of the conversation, do it gracefully.

Step 6: Get Out While the Getting’s Good

Even if the conversation is going well, parties and events are meant for mingling. You don’t want to make an awkward exit, so wait until a lull in the conversation, and then tell the other person how great it was talking to her. (This is a great time to offer that business card, incidentally.) Shake hands, and then walk far enough away—RoAnne suggests a quarter of the room’s distance—so that it doesn’t look like you were just bored with the conversation. If you feel awkward about this, you can use my “cheater’s” way out—say you have to visit the ladies’ room. This can be a gracious exit and give you a chance to use the loo, all in one fell swoop.

If your conversation partner is starting to look restless (another reason to pay attention to body language—maybe his eyes are roaming, or he is shifting his weight from foot to foot), he may be politely trying to send a message that he needs to move on. Give him an out by using either of the exits just mentioned. He’ll appreciate not having to be the one to appear rude or uninterested.

What if the other person won’t take a hint, and you can’t see any way to extricate yourself? Try introducing the person to someone else. Yes, it may be pawning a boring conversation partner off on a friend, but all is fair in love and small talk!

The networking event begins at 8 AM, and the air is electric with the tingling energy of people anticipating meeting new people. The air is fragrant with perfume and cologne and the scent of freshly brewed coffee. Your look is crisp and professional; your demeanor is calm, welcoming and open, your smile wide as you enter the event. There is a low hum of conversation, with people standing either alone or in small clusters. Though inside you feel a bit nervous and anxious you don’t let it show because you are a schmoozing machine with relaxed body language that says I’m confident, fearless, intelligent and ready to meet my fellow business people. You don’t giggle, stutter or tap your hands or feet nervously. Your shoulders aren’t bunched around your ears. Your arms are at your sides, you scan the room, looking for a person who is also new to this, evinced by their slightly nervous demeanor or their eyes scanning the crowd, and you approach, striding slowly and without hesitation. You look this pleasant person in the eye, stick out your hand, shake firmly and say, “Hi, my name is Susan Schmoozalot, with WXZ Widgets, it’s wonderful to meet you.”

You ask what this new-found associate does, how long they’ve been with their company, and you listen intently to their reply. You discuss, briefly, how your business connects with their business, and then you move on to two other folks in the room, never spending more than 15 minutes with any one person or group. Your stance is open, you don’t cross your arms, frown or fidget, and you listen with empathy and understanding in your eyes. You exude a savvy, kind attitude that signals to others that you’re not frivolous, immature or stupid. You speak clearly, you don’t use euphemisms, cursing or street language, and you smile with your mouth and your eyes.

Making a Connection

So how do you effectively work a room and make connections with other business professionals at any given event? Amy Wheeler, owner of Avalon Project Partners and president of Referral Masters Business Networking International (BNI), a networking group, said the first thing to remember is to go easy on the alcohol. “You’re there as a professional, so you need to understand that this isn’t a date and that alcohol can impair your judgment and your ability to be taken seriously as a business person” she said. “You need to be clean and dress conservatively, look people in the eye and shake their whole hand firmly, and I recommend that you don’t carry a drink with you as that can be awkward when you’re trying to shake hands and acquaint yourself with others.”

Wheeler notes that projecting an air of confidence and warmth is essential, as is picking out someone who looks as nervous as you’re feeling on the inside, approaching them and introducing yourself. “Say hi, and ask this person what they do for a living,” Wheeler said. “Most people are comfortable talking about their work, and it gives you a moment to exchange cards. You should make note of something about that person and the conversation on the back of the card so you’ll be able to follow up with a personalized email after the event” It’s important to have the mindset of how you can help the other business people you’ve just met get referrals rather than to focus on what they can do for you. “If you help one person make a connection that helps their business, they will think you’re the most wonderful person on the planet, and they will eventually help you, more than once,” she said. This golden rule of doing unto others as you’d have them do to you will serve to increase your popularity and stature in the business community.

Tips from the Pros

Valerie Thiebert, owner of Network of Dreams professional networking services, and founder of Women of Our Community, a women’s networking group in Washington, believes networking can help business women find clients that are specific to their business. “You can give the personal touch to your business by reaching out to those who can become clients,” Thiebert said. “I will always drive out of my way to shop or receive services at a place that knows me.” Thiebert believes finding a mentor increases your chances of success threefold. “Don’t be afraid to ask someone who has been successful in your field, or a field similar to yours, to help you with some advice and guidelines,” she said. “Don’t worry about payback for this person, eventually you will be able to help them in some way, once you are established. Mentors can provide invaluable insights into the local business community, who it is important to know, and where to best meet people who will be helpful to your career.”

Having a good idea of what want to say to people you meet at an event can make you less nervous, so Thiebert recommends that you write a 30 second synopsis of your business goals, with several talking points on how you can relate to the business needs of others. Thiebert also recommends that you be approachable, yet savvy and confident as you walk into a networking situation. “People need to look at you and know that you’re mature enough to handle the responsibility of a business,” she said. “So dressing professionally, not overdoing the make up, wearing sturdy and comfortable heels, not flip flops or mini-skirts is vital to your success.” If you are new to the organization whose event you’re attending, take a friend with you, and make a goal of talking to just one or two new people at a time, notes Thiebert, and then come back and talk to your friend and regroup for a second round of introducing yourself. “By talking to just two new people at a time, you don’t feel so scared and overwhelmed,” she said. “Pick people with a friendly smile and open body language, that is with arms not crossed, but at the side, and standing casually either alone or in a small group.” Practice your introduction of Hi, my name is, and this is what I do, what do you do? in the mirror, in the car, or with a friend, so your introduction will be smooth and polished. “Afterwards, debrief with a friend, and discuss what went well and what you could have done better,” she said. ” It will teach you to find what makes you feel confident and what to avoid in the future.”

Sizing up the crowd

Jenny Zappala, president of the Western Washington Society of Professional Journalists and reporter for MSNBC has schmoozed with fellow journalists at Press Club nights and other events for years. She recommends begin by taking the temperature of the room before you enter fully into it. “It’s like getting in a swimming pool,” she said “First you stick your toe in to see if the water’s cold, then your leg, then your body. You can do that with a room by observing, noticing if this is a raucous crowd that’s chatting at full volume, or if it’s an intellectual group that is discussing and debating, or is there a lot of sports metaphors being tossed about and backslapping or other physicalities going on?” “Once you gauge the group dynamic, you’ll know how to adjust your demeanor to fit the situation,” said Zappala, and “you will fit in faster.”

Sven Mogelgaard, CEO of Byte Slaves Computing Inc has been a networking ace for eight years, and feels that recognizing body language is key to developing networking skills. “A great deal depends on how people are standing,” Mogelgaard said. “If you see a group huddled together, talking in low tones, they’re excluding you. If they’re open to approach, they’re generally in a small group of 2-3 people and standing with an open formation, not a closed circle, and they’re looking outwards, hoping for others to join in.” Mogelgaard recommends that you don’t interrupt a private discussion, but if you spy a small group that looks open, with people in a relaxed stance, approach, say “Excuse me, I’m —-, from ——, and you are?” Humor and a flirtatious attitude are counterproductive, noted Mogelgaard, mainly because what is funny to one person isn’t to another, and flirting offends other businesswomen and will keep the men in the crowd from taking you seriously. “You also want the web between your forefinger and your thumb to touch the other persons during your handshake, and make sure your hands are dry before you shake,” he said. “Never present someone with your fingers or a limp hand.”

Take 10-15 minutes to talk to each group or individual, and don’t get so caught up in conversation that you spend all your time with the same people, said our experts. It takes 3 to 5 times attending an event before you’ll become ‘known’ so don’t give up if it seems like you’re just another face in the crowd. Remember, the phone doesn’t ring if you stay at home, so get out there and mix it up with your local business and community groups!

Eliminate the fear factor and make networking events your comfort zone:

• Dress professionally in a suit, dress or slacks and a nice blouse with a jacket or shawl. Be well groomed but use make-up sparingly.
• Take plenty of business cards and have your 30-second introduction ready. Make notes on the back of the business cards you receive so you’ll remember that person when following up the next day.
• Do not pick up a drink until you’re done networking, as it can be distracting, and do not have more than one drink.
• Shake the other person’s hand firmly but do not try to crush their palms; this isn’t an arm-wrestling contest.
• Eat lightly before you go, so you’re not starving and distracted by an empty stomach the entire evening.
• Project a positive, confident and savvy demeanor. Be friendly, polite, smile and be yourself.
• Meet people as individuals or small groups of 2-3 people at a time, and work your way around the room.
• Find out how you can help the business people you meet and make connections with other business people in your field.
• Networking web sites: thesavvynetworker.com, biznik.com, bni.com, letip.com, girlpowerhour.com, and womenofourcommunity.com.
• Don’t forget your local Chamber of Commerce, which usually has business luncheons and events for business people in your town.
• Find a mentor or a friend to help you role-play your introduction and debrief you after the event.

In a society where “it’s all about who you know” social networking sites like LinkedIn are capitalizing on the fact that “relationships matter.” But for most, networking is a daunting task.

So what happens when you’re headed for a networking disaster? Does this cause you to spiral right down into the unemployment black hole? Are you permanently off the get-a-job radar?

Jessica Anne Laurino, a recent graduate of the College of Holy Cross shares a time when a networking event she attended went south.

Laurino’s story goes as follows: circa the fall of 2006, she got an email from career services describing a networking event to be held at Lehman Brothers over winter break which would be chock full of Holy Cross alums. Laurino was apprehensive to go at first, but after talking to family and friends, she decided that she and a bunch of girlfriends would sign up.

“I thought it would be a good idea to make contacts,” Laurino says. “My dad persuaded me it was a good thing to do.”

The day of the event, everything was going wrong, Laurino says. “You know when you just have one of ‘those’ days?” Laurino asks.

“Well, that day was one of them.”

Her go-to outfit was no longer an option so she went with a little black dress she had in her closet. “I put it on, and it was too low-cut,” Laurino says. “So I tried everything to close it up.”

After concealing the problems, also known as putting-on-cardigan, she went to print out her resume, which to fit in with the theme of the day, wasn’t printing.

After the printer issue was resolved, she miraculously caught her train and headed to New York City.

High heels on, resume folder under her arm, and best friends by her side, Laurino walked into the event.

She was already anxious, but pushing open the doors to find an all male crowd made her nerves even more uneasy.

“The Holy Cross students who attended were basically all junior boys,” Laurino says. “Here we are, sophomore girls, and I can’t think of a worse place to be. I’ll never forget one comment that was made: ‘Coming to check out what the big kids are doing?’ It was awful, awful, awful.”

“It was painfully awkward”, Laurino says. “And I couldn’t even have a cocktail to calm my nerves!”

In the end, Laurino admits she just wasn’t prepared. She had nothing to say and couldn’t contribute to the financial conversations. The event was hard to get through but she is alive and well today.

Elisabeth Tulley, planning to start CUNY Queen’s grad school in the fall, says she has a secret networking tool, her twin sister. Though hard at times, sometimes being a twin with the same major is beneficial.

“Being sisters and both working towards becoming math teachers is pretty hard,” Tulley says. “Where as you usually don’t know who your competition is, I have to wake up in the same room as mine everyday!”

Tulley took advantage of her sister getting called in for an interview. Her twin, Katherine, brought in a copy of Elisabeth’s resume and handed it to the interviewer following her interview.

To Tulley’s surprise, the school gave her a call and left her a voicemail saying they received her resume and if she would call them back, they could then talk further about possible summer job opportunities.

All this seems good up until now, right? Well, this is as good as it gets. Tulley says she dropped the networking ball. She called back and left the world’s most awkward voicemail.

“I basically blacked it out of my memory,” Tulley says. “But I remember ending the voicemail with ‘So, umm, yeah, this is me calling you back, bye’ or maybe that was the entire voicemail, I really couldn’t tell you.”

Needless to say, Tulley didn’t receive a call back. She tried to utilize her network and it carried her a little way, but she failed to seal the deal.

“It hurts to be so close,” Tulley says.

Lynndel Cassin, director of full-time recruiting at 24 Seven, a leading recruitment firm for the biggest names in retail, fashion, beauty, creative services, fashion, home furnishings, etc says she’s in an industry where “her whole life is networking.”

For her, a networking disaster would be a stage five clinger.

When going to an event, Cassin says, the worst is when people hang on to you. The point of a networking event is to get around, and attaching yourself at the hip won’t get you anywhere.

Another networking calamity is when people don’t follow through, Cassin says.

“My network is very special,” Cassin says. When Cassin extends a contact to someone and busts her butt to make the connection, and then that person doesn’t pursue it, Cassin feels that that’s horrible.

Besides face-to-face networking, there are also online venues which Cassin talks briefly about. Sites like LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter are becoming increasingly popular for job networking.

She shares a horror story, although not job related, but none-the-less, one that she marks as a networking debacle.

Cassin’s story goes as follows: A younger friend of hers wanted Cassin to get Facebook. Cassin gave her the green light and let her friend construct her account and her page. When browsing over it, Cassin realized her friend didn’t include her martial status. So, Cassin changed it to ‘Married’ (which she’s been for countless years to the same man) and shortly after that, her Facebook friends were commenting on this change, asking who she got remarried to, and how it was such a shame to know that her and her previous husband didn’t make it.

An inopportune disaster by any definition.

So, if you’re headed into networking oblivion, take advice from some big leaguers .

Anne Baber and Lynne Waymon, co-founders of Contacts Count, a nationwide training and consulting firm and co-authors of Make Your Contacts Count, include a chapter in their book dedicated to avoiding the top 20 networking turn-offs.

“Don’t think that networking is about talking and taking,” Waymon says. “It’s about teaching and giving. Teaching people what to come to you for, what to count on your for, what opportunities to send your way. And it’s about giving. Listening so generously that you become known for helping other people.”

Networking Turn-offs listed in their book include the following don’ts:

don’t do monologues and interrupt others
don’t insist on one-upmanship
don’t give unsolicited advice
don’t confuse contacts with friends and
don’t refuse to play the game.

Waymon also suggests that networking is not a solo activity.

“Join the professional association that serves your job type or where people in your target market hang out,” Waymon says. “That’s where you’ll meet the cream of the crop and hear about the latest trends and issues in your field.”

Like Baber and Waymon, Margaret F. Dikel, Webmaster of The Riley Guide, also gives some networking don’ts.

“As for networking don’ts for young professional females,” Dikel says. “I would stick with the ideas of proper behavior for the workplace, including:

No private meetings outside of the office with persons of the opposite gender. Lunch with the boss or another colleague in a restaurant might be fine. Dinner and/or drinks in a dimly lit restaurant where he/she suggests you shouldn’t let anyone know you two are meeting, bad.

Make sure you keep your networking professional. I’m not saying that networking only happens in professional situations, but if you are connecting with people for the purpose of professional career advancement or career advice, keep those relationships professional. Yes, they may at some point become friendly relationships, but until you are comfortable with that and you are in a position where you know the other(s) respect you, then keep it strictly professional,

and;

If at any point you are uncomfortable with the amount of or type of attention you are receiving from someone, take steps to end the relationship gently. Make yourself too busy to talk on the phone or meet for lunch. If need be, elicit the aid of another person to help deflect this person.”

At the end of the day, connections are crucial. But also just as important is being comfortable and confident with yourself. My mom always says, “the worst thing a person can tell you is ‘no’, so if you already know the worst possible outcome, what are you afraid of?”

Having graduated just last year, I have to admit it was a scary time. There I was with not one, but two Baccalaureate degrees under my wing and no job in sight. Although I jumped the gun and immediately thought I had no future (we all get emotional sometimes, right?) I knew I had to allow myself some time. So my right hand reached into my bowl of networking. And even if you’re worried about your number of contacts, there are still ways to brand yourself. Of course it’s natural to feel a bit shy in doing so, but you ladies are inspiring and worthy of a job. Hey, you worked for it!

How to Market Yourself

It’s all about how you market yourself. For example, if you studied to become an entertainment journalist, you need to widen your prospects and be willing to take on some not so amazing jobs. It’s very rare that we chicks in our early 20s will land that dream job right out of college. Sure, the jobs you obtain early on may not be the most glamorous, but they will benefit and only add on to your resume. These positions will showcase your talents in other areas, not just entertainment. Remember, employers want a jack of all trades, not someone strictly about one subject. It’s also handy to have your own business card regardless of your current job situation. Not only does it give a sense of professionalism, but it accentuates your drive and desire to work. A good looking card is able to grasp attention so opt for a different color background aside from white. It’s said that many cards with a type of logo or design on them attract those receiving. Attaching your business card to a resume is also a great way to separate yourself from other applicants.

How to Impress
During Exploratory Interviews

These interviews are very beneficial in the sense it is under the initiative of the job seeker to conduct the meeting rather than the employer. By setting up the interview, you are able to screen the company as a potential work place, finding out if the setting fits well with you or not. Exploratory interviews are ideally meant to find a position even if nothing is currently available. It’s up to you to come in with a positive attitude and impress the possible future employer. Not only will you gain some practice on interviewing, but you will network with a great contact.
By leaving a memorable impression, the employer could end up helping you in the future. The next time a great position opens, he or she may just contact you for a real interview. Be prepared with questions about the company, types of positions available and thank the company for their time. It’s up to you to keep the interview rolling so don’t expect the person interviewing to ask questions about you. Your job is to ask as many questions as possible pertaining to the company and person at large. Check out this website for some great interviewing tips.

How to Keep In Contact
With Former Supervisors

You’ve put your blood, sweat, and tears into your internship and still, they don’t have any room to hire you. Don’t worry! Just because we’re in a time of economic woe, doesn’t mean you have to be. Never disregard your former internship supervisors because you didn’t land a job shortly after your last day. That not only shows poor workmanship, but no drive whatsoever.

To get somewhere, you have to smile while doing the grunt work. My supervisor from Us Weekly told me she had interned with the magazine and didn’t nab a position until she was 23-years-old. Make sure to send a simple e-mail every couple of months to catch up with a former supervisor. Keep in mind that contacting them out of nowhere after you hear about a potential position, doesn’t work in your favor. People love to feel appreciated and sending a quick “How are you doing?” e-mail once in a while shows that you care. They will keep you in mind if a position ever opens up and will give you a great reference if necessary.

How to Freelance Yourself

Sure, we all want to get paid to do something we love to do. However, times they are a changin’ and we have to roll with the punches. Everyone is looking for freelancers and sometimes you won’t get paid. Don’t hang your head in shame, chicks! Regardless of getting paid, it’s another position to expand your resume. It can’t hurt you, only help you. Keep in mind, doing something is better than doing nothing for your career in a time of downswing. Not only will this build your portfolio, but enhance your skills as well. And as I previously said, companies want an employee who can do multiple things, not a person who restricts themselves to one area. For great writing opportunities, check ED2010.

How to Make New Contacts

You can make some great contacts in the most obvious of places. Going to happy hour with your friends? Bingo! Social atmospheres are the best way to network. Although it can be a little awkward talking with a stranger, you’re in a public environment so it should ease the tension. Exude that confidence! You never know who you could be conversing with. Refrain from jumping right into occupation talk. Instead, schmooze and ask questions about the person.

People LOVE to talk about themselves and this will act as a great leeway into discussing job details. A friend of mine recently just told me about a random encounter she had. While waiting at a crosswalk in New York City with an unknown male, they struck up a conversation about the weather. They walked a couple of blocks together and by the time of their departure, the man gave her his card. He just so happened to work for Merrill Lynch and told her to call him to discuss her resume and possible employment.

So, ladies, it’s all about being personable and likable. By putting yourself out there and really digging deep into your talents, that job could be just around the corner. Get out there and give them what you got!

“ChickSpeak is an online women’s magazine, socian networking site and organization that aims to inspire big dreams, strong morals and success in the world through informative and uplifting information. Check out ChickSpeak for articles about every part of your life, from relationships and dieting to entertainment and careers.”

Whether you rock out in a band after hours, create beautiful handmade jewelry on the side, or see yourself writing the next bestseller, the key to success lies within your ability to set the world ablaze by flooding the airwaves, surrounding colleges and universities, and the internet with your name.

By carefully following trends and making use of the tools provided to you, creating a web presence will be a snap. Singer/Songwriter, Colbie Caillat, launched her career by posting videos on her MySpace profile. Unaware how effective this act would be on her career, the twenty-four-year-old Californian became an overnight sensation.
Here are a few ways to get people talking about the awesome things you and your friends do to increase your cash flow and have a little fun in the process:

Add a customized signature to all your correspondence. Plug your blog, ETSY site, latest gig or project by updating this feature on all of your e-mail accounts and web profiles.

Send out Tweets to your contact list on Twitter and encourage everyone that you know to do the same.
Hold a monthly giveaway on your blog. Award handmade swag promoting your arts and crafts business to the winner. Offer a store discount to one subscriber on your mailing list.

Visit a website like MOO or VistaPrint and create business cards that reflect your personality. List all pertinent details and contact information on the space provided for text. Carry a stack of cards with you wherever you go and hand them out accordingly.

Upload videos and photographs of you and your entourage in action to YouTube, MySpace, and Facebook. Link to and embed the images on other websites, in online forums, and in posts to friends.

Make customized t-shirts, buttons, and stickers promoting your website, service, or business and wear them wherever you go. Recruit a Street Team and have others help get the word out about your latest line of hair accessories, the hot new demo that you released or your amazing ability to create works of art using only recycled materials.

Small steps like these, when employed immediately, can offer measurable results by generating interest in the things that you do when you aren’t hitting the books or spending time reading the articles on ChickSpeak. From Ohio to Okinawa, women around the world are proving that when it comes to success, there are numerous ways to be discovered by new “fans” daily.

ChickSpeak is an online women’s magazine, socian networking site and organization that aims to inspire big dreams, strong morals and success in the world through informative and uplifting information. Check out ChickSpeak for articles about every part of your life, from relationships and dieting to entertainment and careers.

They seem to know everyone worth knowing. At work, people almost always return their calls. You have to book a lunch date with them far in advance because their schedules are so packed. They are the networkers, people who seem to have tentacles that reach astoundingly far into their communities.

How exactly do they do it? Are they born with the gift of sociability? Do they have some magic aura that attracts other people to them like teens to “American Idol”? And more importantly, how can you position yourself to get dusted with a little of the magic?

Trust me when I say this: While it’s true there are a few lucky souls who effortlessly gather a community around them, for all the rest of us, the task requires a smart strategy, delicately but deliberately employed and maintained throughout our lives.

Being a good networker can help you in myriad ways. Those in your network can, for example, help you land a job, meet new clients, be available if you have business questions, give you creative energy, get a date, find a good real estate agent, advise you on where to get help for a loved one, or get you and your party of eight a table at a hot new restaurant on a Saturday night. They are, in short, your support system in both work and life.

Your network should include not just family and friends, but also co-workers, acquaintances, friends of friends, neighbors, former classmates, your parents’ friends, mentors, bosses and others. Following are some action tips to get started building your own community.

The Laws of Networking

The first rule to remember: Networking is not a game with a score card. And it’s not about reciprocity or back-scratching. It’s also not about schmoozing with people only when you need help. Ick, that’s the smarmy way of networking.

Rather, it’s about connecting with people, helping them, being involved in their lives and being a resource to them. Go into it with that mindset, and you will naturally over time build relationships with friends, colleagues, mentors and others who will want to help you when you need some assistance or guidance.

“The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity,” writes Keith Ferrazzi, founder and CEO of marketing and sales consulting firm FerrazziGreenlight, in his book “Never Eat Alone” (Currency Books), which outlines the author’s renowned networking tactics. The goal, he writes, is to become the center of a circle of trusting relationships. “Those who are best at networking don’t actually network – they make friends,” Ferrazzi contends. “A widening circle of influence is an unintended result, not a calculated aim.”

So how do you become influential? One way is to become a resource to others — at least, that’s how I do it.

I like being resourceful, and as a magazine chief editor it’s also a crucial part of my job description. I need to know a lot of people: writers, photographers, graphic designers as well as those who can give us information for the articles we plan to publish. Additionally, I must know trends and stay on the cutting edge of issues important to my readers and the industries I cover.

To help with those tasks, I don’t just build a rolodex – although that’s important. Rather, I have built a community of advisors, readers, contributors and others all willing to help my magazines to succeed. In return, I connect people with one another. (OK, and I give publicity when it’s warranted.) I’ll give you an example of the ripple effects one deed can have.

In a previous job I was the editor of a trade magazine for the catalog and online marketing industry. One day a reader called to say he had a new product that he wanted help selling to our readers. Buying an ad in our magazine or submitting a press release wasn’t appropriate for his product. He needed to hire contract sales representatives who would get his product sold through catalog companies. But I didn’t know of any reps for his type of product.

So I sent a short e-mail to 10 people I knew in the industry, and within a few days we had a list of seven independent sales reps, two of which the reader eventually hired. He sent me a product sample (it was very nice!) and a lovely hand-written note thanking me for helping his company.

In return I made a reader happy (always a plus in my business). The people who gave me the contacts were happy to refer their independent reps to other non-competing marketers (puts them in good stead with those reps). The reps were happy to get the lead and remembered they GOT IT via my magazine (good for building buzz around my publication). And today I smile whenever I see that product in catalogs or online sales channels.

The point is that I could have told the reader, “I don’t know of any reps. Sorry.” He called me during a particularly grueling magazine production day, so I was momentarily compelled to do just that. However, helping him gave me a chance to build my network.
You may ask at this point: How did I know those 10 people who would drop what they were doing to open my e-mail and share with me business-sensitive information such as their sales reps names and contact information? The key is in selecting the right people for your network and then gaining a reputation among them for being trustworthy.

Build Your Network

Let’s get this out of the way: When you meet new people, give a firm handshake, look them in the eye and try not to say anything overtly offensive. Also, dress appropriately for the occasion, practice light chit-chat, send thank-you notes to people who have helped you and try to position yourself so you’ll meet as many new people as possible.

While all of those things are important, they merely get your foot in the networking door. Most successful networkers say they expect people they meet to act as noted above, but when selecting people to add to their communities, they look for those who are trustworthy, like-minded, selfless and good old fashioned nice.

Think about it: You don’t want to add that gal in accounting who gossips incessantly so that she comes off as being “in the know” or that slick-haired guy in your spinning class who leers at every woman climbing onto a bike. Double ick.

Instead, look for people who don’t have personal agendas they’re trying to advance, notes Peggy Hatch, president of the Philadelphia-based Target Marketing Group, a family of magazines and e-newsletters, and considered in the Philadelphia publishing world to be a master networker. Hatch says finding selfless and trustworthy people is especially important if you are trying to gather people to work on a project or committee. “Make sure the person is tied into the mission and is not just out for themselves,” she notes.

You also don’t want to add to your network only those people whom you think can help your career, because in reality you have no way of truly knowing who can and can’t help your work life. Before founding PFJ Consulting, Pamela Jacobs worked in the financial services field. During her tenure, she was nice to everyone: receptionists, administrative assistants, CEOs, doormen and vice presidents. “You never know when you might need these people,” she says. And one day she did.

“I was late for an important meeting because I couldn’t find a parking spot. The parking attendant, with whom I had previously struck up a friendly relationship, came to my rescue and valet parked my car so I could make the meeting,” she recalls. “That certainly was not part of his job.”

The lesson here: Don’t limit your network to movers and shakers. I always try to befriend the people who work in the IT departments of company’s at which I work. First off, I generally like technical people (my husband is an engineer), and I admire what IT people do for a living. I bring them books and magazines I think they might like. I stop and chat because I find them down-to-earth, well-read and interesting. If I make goodies for the office, I save some for the IT department (and they’re always surprised, because apparently few people do that).

And on more than one occasion they have come rushing to help me recover files, clean up my hard drive to make it run faster or track down my e-mails lost in the queue. Of course, I don’t befriend these kind folks simply to get special attention when I need it, but that is the downstream effect of building friendly and trusting relationships with them.

The same goes for the people who work in your company’s mailroom, your boss’s assistant, the human resources manager, your parents’ friends or the woman who pours your Starbucks every morning. Niceness counts.

Do’s and Don’ts to Networking Success
Following are some specific steps you can employ to build, maintain and grow your circle of influence.

Don’t be overly stoic. Americans in particular tend to view themselves as independent and able to handle every situation alone. Call it the Cowgirl Syndrome. And while self-reliance is no doubt a good trait to develop, there are times when you need a wee bit of help. That’s why . . .

Do share your specific goals with people. People can’t assist you if they don’t know exactly what it is that you need. Jacobs recalls a time when being articulate about her goals helped her to reach them. “A few years ago I gave myself the summer off and planned to return to work in the fall. But come August the phone wasn’t ringing, and I didn’t have work lined up. I was getting nervous,” she notes. “I mentioned this to my network of friends at dinner, and they asked me what I wanted to do. I was proud of myself that I was clear and articulate about the work I was seeking. And one woman had a family business that she needed help with, and she hired me. But I needed the confidence to say, ‘I need help.’ And then I had to be clear and concise when describing what help I needed.”

Do build your network continually. It’s a myth to think you begin building or adding to your network only when you need to, says Ferrazzi. Rather, smart networkers are building all of the time, so that when they need contacts, they’re readily available.

Don’t gossip. People won’t trust that you can be discreet when they need you to be.

Do gravitate to positive people, because the alternative can drag down your spirit and deflate your self-esteem. Worse, negative people can make you want to stop tapping into a network that includes them.

Do try to get to know people as individuals, not just as co-workers or customers. I once worked with a woman who was bright, but a little brusque at times. I found myself hesitating on tasks in which I had to contact her. One day she and I were working on a committee together, and I made a real effort to learn more about her. Turns out she has a daughter with health problems I know a little about, and I was able to be a resource to her for information and medical contacts. But mostly I gave my co-worker an empathetic ear and a chance to let her guard down. From that day forward, we had a friendly and comfortable working relationship. Which leads me to . . .

Do help people find solutions to their problems. By being viewed as a problem-solver, you become someone worth knowing.

Do look for people who are like-minded and share your passion. You’ll find them in work (paid or volunteer), church, alumni associations, your neighborhood, the gym, just about anywhere you go during your normal day. “The key,” says Hatch, “is to find people with whom you would feel comfortable sorting out your problems, as you hope they would feel with you.”

Do take an active role in your network. “Take the time to deepen friendships,” Hatch continues. “Go to lunch or for a drink after work, or meet them for breakfast.” If they live elsewhere, stay in touch via phone and e-mail, and make time to visit them when you’re in their areas. Hatch is a member of Connected Women, an informal group – founded by Jacobs – with branches in Philadelphia and New York City. Members meet quarterly for dinner. They take turns hosting cocktails, after which they go to dinner Dutch treat. People can and do bring guests. Says Jacobs, “It’s about people getting connected into a community. Everything from there happens organically. Each person steps up to help the others when she can. We have helped women and their friends and family to get jobs, get relocated, answer questions, whatever they need.”

Do develop a system to keep track of your network. No doubt, time pressures plague you, as they do for all of us. But by devising a system for maintaining contacts, you can save yourself time down the road while also further solidifying your relationships. Hatch uses the contact module on her computer. She makes notes about the people she meets, for example, where she met them and then something about them. “People often are surprised when I later on remember something specific about them, but the truth is that I took the time to write it down while it was still fresh in my mind,” she notes. Then she easily and quickly can call up the information when it’s needed.

Do help others. Get involved in projects in and outside of your employer. For example, at work, volunteer for leadership, diversity or mentoring committees, Jacobs suggests. Help with the company newsletter or to plan the company picnic or holiday party. Outside of work, volunteer for organizations (e.g., political, social, cultural) whose mission you care about. “Shared interests are the basic building blocks of any relationship,” writes Ferrazzi.

Do remain open to the wonderful ways that networking can enhance your life. Hatch says she enjoys the creative ideas and energy she gets from others who are excited about things going on in their lives. “They also help me to hash through issues related to work or life,” she says. “When you’re down, you can get support, kindness and a sense of camaraderie from your community.”

Building a network of people ready to help, guide and support you is a task worth doing. Such a community will open doors for you, enrich your life and reward you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

Donna Loyle is the senior editor of specialty publications for Broad Street Magazines, a sister company to the Philadelphia Inquirer.