The boss. The big cheese. The head honcho. Whatever you call her, she can not only make or break your career, but also determine whether you’re happy in the office on a daily basis. Most people have something to complain about when it comes to their manager, whether it’s because of the tasks she gives you, how much she pays you, or how often she asks you to work late. But sometimes, the reason for the tension with your boss comes from the fact that you were born decades apart – not because she doesn’t like or appreciate you. Instead, the problem is much more basic: You’re technology savvy, have a rather casual attitude in the workplace, and are always ready to speak up and share your thoughts. If you were her daughter, she’d be thrilled. But as an employee? That makes her a little more nervous.

As Generation Y begins to enter the workplace in earnest, more offices and companies are noticing generational tensions between their workers—particularly between the Baby Boomers, who were born between 1946 and 1964, and the Millennials, or Gen Y members, who were born roughly between 1982 and 2001 (the firm boundary years—and official generation name— haven’t been established yet).

Today, the Baby Boomers are in their mid-40s to early 60s and are pretty much running the corporate world. And they haven’t completely adjusted to the Generation Y employees they have started hiring in recent years: A survey from Lee Hecht Harrison, a career services firm, found that 60 percent of employers are dealing with friction between their older and younger employees. With tension noticeable in many offices, it’s important for Gen Yers to know how to work the generational gap in their favor. Understanding your Boomer boss and adjusting yourself can go a long way to making your office life more pleasant—and, eventually, making your career more fruitful.

For the most part, the tension stems from the way that we Gen Yers were raised—by the Baby Boomers themselves, no less. We were taught to value teamwork, multitasking, and diversity, while emphasizing our own talents. Boomers, on the other hand, had to be hypercompetitive to succeed in the workplace. Those differences cause the generational clash, says David Stillman, the co-author with Lynne Lancaster of When Generations Collide. Stillman and Lancaster run BridgeWorks, an organization that seeks to help people from different generations understand each other.

Chuck Underwood, founder of The Generational Imperative, works with large companies to help them overcome generation-gap difficulties. He has found that Y-ers have “often-unrealistic expectations” about their lives and careers, which often causes trouble for managers.

Differences and Similarities. Boomers, who have a strict sense of hierarchy, are also startled by the casualness of many Yers in the workplace, says Stillman. When Boomers entered the office, they called their boss “Mr.” or “Mrs.” while Gen Yers are comfortable calling just about anyone by their first name. Boomers value face time with their manager, but Gen Yers are just as happy to communicate over the phone, e-mail, or even through instant message. We’re even content to work outside of the office environment, heading instead to the coffee shop or a desk at home.

And most of all, Gen Yers speak up. Boomer bosses worked in a very different environment when they first put on a suit and showed up at 9. In those days, new employees were expected to keep quiet, listen, and learn until they had proved themselves. The boss made the decisions. But today’s entry-level employees (and even interns!) have no problem giving their input, even during a big meeting. And then there’s the technology gap. We grew up with AOL and IMing, while our parents—and current bosses—didn’t have cable.

These differences in experience and preference trickle down to every aspect of the work life. Boomers tend to see the office as the office and home as home, while we’re comfortable mixing the two—by using Gchat while we’re at work and by checking e-mail on nights and weekends. We multitask, working on several different projects at one time, which many Boomers see as a sign of a short attention span and an inability to pay attention to detail. And the pace is very different. Boomers, says Stillman, “are used to being on a project for six months. Millenials would like 12 of those going on at one time and get it done in one month.”

These differences can be frustrating for both boss and employee. Kristen, 25, was aggravated by the time she spent a brief period working at a small insurance company in the Midwest, where she was the only employee under the age of 55.”I found that I was always picking up the load for the other employees as I was faster at doing everything,” she says. Eventually, she left the firm to become a freelancer. “When I left there, I was actually replaced with two employees, both in their 50′s, because one could not keep up with what my work load had been. I felt a little underpaid after I found this out.” Sonia, 23, had a similar experience while working as a temp for an oil field services company. “It was a disaster, because we had very different expectations about multitasking. I’d say we’re just as productive, but we work in spurts,” she says.

There are some things that you can do to lessen the generational tension:

Show respect. Perhaps the biggest thing you can do, according to Stillman, is to make a conscious effort to demonstrate to your boss that you respect him or her. “Show that even though you’re speaking up and even though you’re expecting to be part of a big decision, that you still respect and understand that the boss gets to make the decision,” he suggests. Taking the time to ask them about themselves is one good idea. Ask them what their career path was like and find out how the field has changed.

Stop by their office. Boomers value face time, so try to have regular in-person conversations instead of communicating solely via e-mail.

Demonstrate loyalty. Bosses want to know that you’re in it for the long haul. Resist the temptation to surf to job-hunting Web sites (better yet, minimize the personal surfing altogether). Put in long hours. Show that you think you have a future in the company. “Employers who are ready to make a serious commitment to [Y-ers] spend a lot on training them, only to then see them leave on a whim,” says Underwood. Think of it as the beginning of a romantic relationship. You and your boss are learning to trust each other. That’s bound to cause some discomfort at first, but the relationship will be more solid in the long run if you put work into it.

Use common sense. Underwood sums it up neatly. He says that Y-ers “with the best interpersonal skills—courtesy, motivation, respect, ability to lead the team, mastery of the English language, persuasion, and other such skills—will climb the management ladder fastest.”

These tips also apply if you get promoted and find yourself supervising someone who is older. It might be tempting to demonstrate your new authority, but resist the urge and continue to show them respect. They’ll value it in the long run.

Most important of all, remember that eventually, Baby Boomers and Gen Yers will have to work out their differences. They’ll be running the show for years to come.

I recently saw the film Up In The Air. Besides being a lovely excuse to stare at George Clooney for two hours, it also provoked me to think about Generation Y and their “soft skills” (skills like manners, friendliness; basically, what makes you a nice person to work with), or lack thereof. These musings were due to two reasons: first, the movie features a working relationship between Ryan Bingham, an older executive (Clooney) with legendary people skills, and young Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) who exemplifies all that is good and bad about the new generation of workers. Natalie is well-educated, driven, and enthusiastic, but her focus on streamlining processes via technology comes at the expense of common sense and the ability to deal with people face-to-face.

The second reason this movie made me wonder about Gen Y’s impact on society had to do with my husband and his gummy bears. There were two girls in their late teens sitting next to us, and one of them was texting continuously through all of George’s best scenes. My husband sat there seething at her rudeness and muttered that if she texted one more time, he was going to hurl a gummy bear at her head. I won’t tell you what happened to spare said husband some embarrassment, but let’s just say one gummy bear got well-acquainted with a certain 17-year-old’s highlighted hair.

I tried to explain to my husband that our texting seatmate wasn’t trying to be rude; it was a generational thing, this constant need to be reachable at all times, and unfortunately these kids didn’t understand that certain things were deemed inconsiderate in polite society. On screen, Ryan Bingham had to contend with similar feelings of disgust as he was forced to work with Natalie, even though he resented everything she stood for. Ultimately, the movie has a happy ending (only in regards to that relationship; spoiler alert, it certainly wasn’t a Hollywood ending in other respects), where Natalie learns that technology doesn’t always fare better than old-fashioned human contact.

Anyway, the whole experience got me thinking: will there be a Hollywood ending for today’s new corporate workers and their aggravated elder counterparts? How can we all ride off into the sunset together? And is Gen Y’s lack of social skills something that can be fixed – or should it even be?

Minding our p’s and q’s in a “www” world

Larry is a Baby Boomer who works in sales. His success over the years has been due to his genial manner and ability to put the customer first. (A trait, he tells me, that bothers his wife to no end – “She hates that I take client calls in the middle of a Carribean cruise!”) While he loves the new energy that younger salespeople are bringing to his company, he says their client service abilities leave much to be desired. “These kids are constantly texting and distracted,” he laments. “But the biggest issue is that they can’t look you in the eye. In our business, trust and likeability is a huge asset – and I really can’t see how a client can trust or like you if you can’t meet their eye or give a good handshake. I’m no dinosaur, I love my iPhone as much as the next guy, but I’m telling you . . . at least in sales, that attitude isn’t gonna fly.”

According to Nancy Barry, a speaker, Gen Y expert and the author of When Reality Hits: What Employers Want Recent College Graduates to Know, the fact that Generation Y is having trouble with their social know-how should come as no surprise. “Gen Ys have spent their entire life communicating through technology. As a result, they have mastered the art of writing in abbreviations due to the number of text messages and instant messages they send. When they get in the workplace, they need to communicate on a professional level and many times this generation lacks the relationship building skills they need to be successful. They are very comfortable developing relationships through technology, but face-to-face interactions can be a bit challenging.”

It’s not all grim, however. Barry believes that “Gen Ys possess many of the soft skills they need to be successful. This generation is optimistic, goal-oriented, determined, collaborative, and they are team players.” And while she certainly sees where the older generation is coming from, being confused (or, in my husband’s case, angered) by the new social norms, “In defense of our young adults, how would they know about the importance of the soft skills until we tell them? Employers can’t expect their new recruits to know it all when they start their careers.”

Still, this leaves many employers in the awkward position of being teacher, parent and boss to new recruits. “Unfortunately, things like manners, courtesy, enthusiasm, professional dress, punctuality, hard work, initiative, determination, etc. are not being instilled in young people before they enter the job market. Parents and teachers point fingers at each other, while it’s the employers who inherit book smart, street wise, techno savvy kids who have absolutely no idea how to work,” says Eric Chester, President & CEO of Generation Why, Inc. and author of Getting Them to Give a Damn.

And even if employers are willing to take the bad with the good (Gen Y-ers have some amazing qualities – they are the most technologically-savvy generation, and have tremendous drive, great education, and self confidence to boot), where does that leave clients and coworkers?

The Tao of Snark

The newest additions to the workforce have also been shaped by some pretty powerful world events. In an article for Hotel Online (Verret, Carol, Generation Y: Motivating and Training a New Generation of Employees, Hotel Online, November 2000), Chester theorizes that this generation has not only seen their elders get away with murder (think OJ, and not the delightful juice), but also get rich quick, without paying dues, respecting hierarchy, or putting in time, with the advent of reality game shows like “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire”. (Personally, I’d also blame Paris Hilton, Heidi Montag, and the entire cast of the all 1000 “Real Worlds” for teaching them that all you need to be famous is, well, to be famous.)

The blogosphere and social networking have made it too easy to engage in contentious debate, mudslinging, and backstabbing. It’s much easier to leave nasty comments anonymously on someone’s blog rather than say it to their face. But technology isn’t the only culprit in this Age of Snarkiness.

“Step back and ponder how you might be different if you’d grown up in a world that caters to—and even champions the “shock-jock,” poor sportsmanship, political mud-slinging, false-but-rewarded bravado, and the I-Want-What-I-Want-and-I-Want-It-Now mindset. Realize that more often than not, the offender is infected with feelings of inferiority, self-deprecation, and a defeatist attitude and is so consumed in his/her negativity that they are oblivious to how their behavior is perceived.” Chester writes on his website.

Jen, a 24-year-old public relations junior executive, fits this profile. “I just don’t see why I need to respect these old white guys in suits, you know? The world is changing; our economy is changing; the way we communicate is changing. If they don’t like it, tough; I know how to deal with our clients’ needs better than they do at this point. I know my worth, and if they can’t see it, then that’s their problem.”

Part of her resentment of the powers that be at her company stem from a recent memo regarding dress code. “I was really insulted by it,” she says. “They told us open-toed shoes weren’t allowed, and that if we have more than one earring, they want us to take it out for client meetings. Are you kidding me? Everyone I know has like seven body piercings or a tattoo of some sort. We don’t judge people like that in my generation. In my opinion, it’s the older generation who needs some lessons in ‘soft skills’.”

As the proud owner of a tattoo myself, I personally think Jen has a point. But in this frightening employment landscape, it may not be the smartest move to stand on principle – because you might come off as petulant rather than revolutionary. Susan, an alumni director for a prestigious private girls’ school, has observed friction between the generations of women she deals with. “There is a larger sense of entitlement in Generation Y. A sense that the rules don’t apply to me . . . that they don’t have to play by the rules. which in some cases is good . . . Look at facebook, Google, all the businesses that have had success like that . . . but in some cases its bad, resulting in the idea that they don’t have to ‘pay their dues’ or whatever,” she says. “But you know, society both pushes them and chides them for that behavior. I mean the young guys who started facebook and stuff, the tech boom years ago; it sort of proved the point that you don’t have to follow the rules to make a lot of money, you don’t have to be ‘old’ to be the boss . . . but that is clearly not the case with every field. It is obvious in every facet of that generation. They want to run everything before they are ready. “

When the youth inherit the earth, they will certainly be making some drastic changes, and professionalism likely will take on a whole new meaning. But in the meantime, if you can’t beat ‘em, you probably should consider joining them. Unless you have a great idea for a social networking site or something, but in that case, you probably aren’t reading this article, as you’re too busy writing code.

Softening up your hard edges

The best way to adapt to the social cues of those around you? Be observant, says Barry. “Gen Y workers need to pay attention to the way their boss and co-workers handle themselves in meetings, the format they use when sending professional emails, the way they dress and so on. It’s amazing how much we can all learn by just paying attention to what’s happening around us . . . I highly recommend young adults identify a mentor who can coach them and share what they’ve learned along the way.”

Modeling behavior is a great idea, especially as part of the problem may be a lack of training in social skills. “Back in the day, young workers learned soft skills at home by watching and modeling their parents, and having parents who took the time to prepare their children with these essentials. Those soft skills were then reinforced at school by teachers, counselors, and coaches who took seriously their role of sculpting young souls and preparing them for ‘the next step,” Chester laments. “Today, most parents feel they have done their job if their kids are happy, healthy, safe, have decent grades and a high self-esteem. Teachers are thought to have done their job when their students are able to fill out the corresponding bubbles on standardized achievement tests. Neither parents nor teachers assume the responsibility of preparing the young adult with the soft skills that are the prerequisite to success in any career and in every industry.” To this end, he has developed a training program for young adults called the Bring Your A Game To Work Initiative (www.TheAGame.com), a new workplace development training and certification program designed to instill young adults with the fundamental soft skills that makes them the envy of any employer.

Out with the old, in with the new?

Let’s go back to George Clooney for a minute. (Are there many women who will mind that digression?) The more I think about it, the movie may have gotten it all wrong. Natalie’s concept of firing people via a Skype-like system (her company’s reduction experts telecommunicating the bad news from a “home base”, rather than having to fly all over the country to help with downsizing in the flesh) fails, but it fails within a certain social construct – the workplace of the past. Her “victims” were hired by a human, dealt with daily human interaction, knew their bosses and coworkers on a personal level . . . so of course, when it came to being let go, they’d be more responsive to a human giving them the news than a computer screen. But more and more, we are being hired by computers (think Monster and other job sites), working remotely, and interacting with coworkers through email rather than face-to-face. Soft skills won out in this particular case, but twenty years from now, who knows? Maybe Natalie knew something the older generations just don’t want to admit.

Still, for the time being, people skills still count for a lot. While researching her latest book (When Reality Hits: What Employers Want Recent College Graduates to Know), Barry interviewed 150 business leaders asking them to describe their dream employee. “I could have just interviewed five people, because they all said the same thing.

Managers want employees who have a solid set of soft skills. Now more than ever, young adults need to understand the important of having excellent communication skills, strong work ethic, professional image, business etiquette savvy, being a team player and the list goes on.

I’ve always said, if an employee sees everything as an opportunity; is passionate, dedicated and determined, we can teach them how to do anything. Soft skills are the foundation for our success, no matter how old we are.”

So whether it’s finding a mentor, taking a course, or even doing something as simple as investing in an Emily Post etiquette guide, honing your soft skills can give you a competitive edge in this challenging job market.

Or at the very least, it can save you from taking a gummy bear to the head.