High School . . . Again?
Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on your point of view—this is also true in the working world. There’s always that coworker who seems to garner more praise and attention, despite the fact that she’s done the same amount of work (or in particularly annoying cases, less work) than everyone else. If you are this “favored child”, you’re in luck: workplaces are just big-kid versions of the classroom, and being the boss’s pet can earn you the professional equivalent of a gold star. But for everyone else, watching a coworker reap the awards you covet simply because they can make the boss laugh, was a member of the same sorority, or happen to be a blood relative, can cause understandable consternation.

Favoritism has been a topic of much debate lately thanks to the Dave Letterman scandal. Aside from the obvious titillation of his illicit affair, the media has been buzzing about another aspect to his dalliances—the potentially hostile work environment caused by his relationships with staff members. Former staff writer Nell Scovell told the Associated Press that Letterman and “other high-level male employees were having sexual relationships with female staffers . . . and those women gained professional benefits from those relationships.” Celebrity attorney Gloria Allred responded with an open letter to the talk show host, published on Radar Online: “Let’s call it what it really was—sexual favoritism in the workplace—and since you suggested that you had sex with more than one woman on your staff, some of your employees may believe that sexual favoritism in your workplace is widespread . . . If this is true, then I believe that your sexual conduct is wrong and potentially in violation of the law even if your sexual relationship with your staffers was consensual and romantic.”

While it might be the most obvious type, sexual favoritism is not the only kind of favoritism we encounter in the workplace. There’s nepotism—favoring someone based on familial relationships, like when the boss’s son gets promoted despite the fact that he flunked out of three different colleges—and cronyism, which is showing preferential treatment to friends and associates regardless of qualifications (like when the girl next to you gets a bigger bonus because she plays golf with your supervisor). There can also be favoritism based on gender, which is a particularly insidious form, as it’s difficult to prove—but when women are still getting paid an average 73 cents to the dollar that men are making, it’s hard not to be a bit suspect.

Favoritism striking a nerve with Gen Y
The 2004 Watson Wyatt Worldwide WorkUSA® Study found that 62% of employees cited hypocrisy and favoritism as the biggest ethical problems in the workplace (compared to the measly 8% who felt unethical financial dealings were an issue—take that, Enron). Managers might want to sit up and take notice that office favoritism is striking a nerve with Gen Y, because working under these conditions can have quite an impact on the organization at large. An article for the Wharton School of Business cites research by Wharton management professor Jennifer S. Mueller, which shows that “organizations seen by employees as unfair in pay, promotion or other practices have higher rates of stealing, bad-mouthing and other damaging behaviors.” Makes sense when you think about it—envy and resentment can eat away at you, coloring your perception and wasting your energy. Rather than focusing on getting ahead yourself, you become demoralized, angry, and petty.

Rochelle, a 27-year-old Florida woman working in sales, told me that she could write a book about this very problem. “I work in a very male dominated “good ol boy” field and I experience favoritism every day,” she explained. “In particular, one co-worker at my job is a good friend of the vice president. Since he started working for this company five years ago, he has caused problems, but nothing besides a hand slap has ever been done. The co-worker constantly speaks openly to our competition about the incompetencies of our office and co-workers (including me); he has cursed out and hung up on major customers; he is mediocre at his job at best . . . Yet, he is constantly praised by the VP for his work efforts. He was just recently promoted to the vice president’s “special team”. There were two or three other employees who should have been considered for this job (ahead of him) because of experience and outstanding sales performance.

“I finally got so fed up this past week that I was going to meet with the vice-president to have a talk with him about it. But I was talked out of it by my boss because I was told ‘what good would it do . . . all it will do is put you out of favor with the VP.’ It feels crippling when you see favoritism happening and can’t do anything about it.”

Unfortunately, Rochelle’s boss may have steered her wrong. According to Francesca Kaplan, a leadership and negotiation consultant in New York who has worked with a wide variety of people in diverse work settings, “What I see more and more, especially in women, is the thought that rocking the boat is somehow something to avoid like the plague. Simply put, they do not ask for things. This sometimes makes it so that people perceive favoritism when it isn’t there.”

Kaplan tells a story of one client, a senior manager at a large manufacturing company who was the only woman at the company in a leadership position.
“(The client) was working endless hours (about 16 a day), 7 days a week to get her work done. She was not slow; she actually did the work of 2-3 employees because her boss, the CEO, had let 2 people go and pushed the work her way because he knew she wouldn’t complain. She was, nicely put, a pushover. And what she did every day (was) inform everyone that she was happy to take as much crap as they were willing to dish out.”

“I talked to the CEO about her. I asked him, ‘Why does she shoulder the work of three employees when the other Managers are finished with what they have to do at 7pm?’ His answer was straightforward. ‘She never asked.’ I asked straightforwardly, ‘why did you give her all of the work when the men have less than a third of the same work to do?’ His answer was ‘They have the same work, the men are just faster.’ Manufacturing is a very antiquated industry in terms of gender, and clearly this was a very sexist office. But there was more to it.

“There was a level of her needing to step up to the task at hand. What we ended up getting to eventually was that she wasn’t going to change the industry. She wasn’t going to break the glass ceiling for all women in her field, but that just wasn’t what she wanted. What she wanted was to eat something aside from moo-shoo one night a week. And have someone support her. By the end, I coached her into asking for those things. And though the boss wasn’t very interested in giving her what she needed, when faced with the very real consequence to his refusal of her going to the best alternative (there are plenty of good manufacturing companies who needed good managers at the time) he hired her an assistant and gave one of her time-consuming tasks to another manager. This didn’t come without sacrifice on her end—my client had to curb some of her stressed out reactions going forward because we realized that her behaving ‘frayed and emotional’ was contributing to the perception that she was ‘different’ and not in the favor.”

Kaplan uses this story to exemplify how “favoritism, even when it is rooted in something as intense as historical sexism, can be overcome with confidence and plain old asking for what you want and what you need.”

Terry Arndt, President of Life After Graduation, LLC and publisher of Backpack To Briefcase: Steps To A Successful Career, gives similar advice on JobDig.com, urging that the squeaky wheel usually gets the grease. But he also takes it a step further, explaining that office politics are a fact of life. “Make time for other people. You might think that keeping your head down and clanking away at the keyboard is the best way to get ahead, but you’re missing half of the picture,” he writes. “While hard work is appreciated and rewarded, you also have to be likeable and interesting, demonstrate good character, and show that you care about other people in order to achieve career success. All of this is hard to do if you don’t take the time to get to know your colleagues—and, yes, participate in a little office politics.”

Notes from the other side

Considering the negative impact envy and perceived favoritism can have on your employees, why would supervisors ever indulge in such seemingly petty behavior? Stephanie, a 32-year-old commercial photographer responsible for hiring assistants, makeup artists, hair stylists, and wardrobe professionals for every shoot, told me that she’s guilty of cronyism on a daily basis. “I hire my friends because for what I do, obviously skill level is a big deal, it’s important, but I also have to be able to trust these people on a lot of levels. Maybe for a more typical job in a corporate environment, you trust that the person you hire will come to work; that they’re qualified—but I need to trust the people I hire with creative decisions. They need to share my vision. I need to trust that they’re not going to sabotage me, because in creative jobs there tends to be a lot of competition and jealousy. So I hire people based on loyalty. That doesn’t mean that skill level isn’t also hugely important, because it doesn’t matter how good of a friend you are at the start—if you can’t do the job, I can’t use you. But I’m going to choose somebody I’m friends with over somebody new. And I’m not going to hire someone I don’t like, even if they are the best.”

Marilyn, a small business owner in San Diego, echoes these sentiments. “It’s unfortunate, but there are definitely employees that I like more than others. I try my best to be fair when it comes to raises and divvying up the workload, but I’m sure some of my employees think I favor some over others. One of my assistants has been with me since day one; I know she’s loyal, and I know she’s just as invested in our business doing well as I am. Do I trust her more than my newest employee, who is a young go-getter who will most likely move on to greener pastures in the next three years? I’d be a fool not to.”
It may be hard to hear, but let’s be honest—if you were the one making the decisions, wouldn’t you want to be surrounded by people you like and trust? If Person X works harder, but Person Y is more fun to have lunch with . . . who would you want in the airplane seat next to you on a business trip? Remember that bosses are human too. We all want to feel appreciated and well-liked, and brown-nosers are usually experts at making people feel good about themselves.

Favorite Tips from the Favorites
Rather than sitting and seething about how your coworker is favored, why not observe and take notes? Beat her at her own game, with these tips from some self-proclaimed office “darlings”:
1. Join the club: “I truly believe that I was hired not only for my skill, but also because I played soccer,” says Deb, a 24-year-old junior executive at a small insurance company. “When I interviewed with the company, I did my research—I Googled the hiring manager and found that she was part of an adult soccer league. I managed to slip in that I played soccer in college, and viola—I won the job over people with far more experience. And that manager now stops at my cubicle daily to chat, and has invited me to join her league.”

2. Take interest. Sara works at a modeling agency, where being egotistical is par for the course. Since she’s genuinely interested in other people, she’s gone from assistant to head of her department in two years. “I made it a point to get to know everyone at the agency—the models, the other agents, everyone. It wasn’t even a conscious thing; I’m just nosy, and I like to find things out about people. I guess everyone appreciated that someone was asking questions rather than just talking about themselves.”

3. Gossip. Yep, you heard that right. But it’s not as simple as you think. “It’s a fine balance,” laughs Tara, who at 27 is one of the youngest managers at her consulting company. “You never want to be nasty or talk out of turn, but by knowing the skinny on all the office gossip, you become like the ‘center’ of the work world. My boss takes me to lunch to get the goods on everyone—I have to be careful not to bad mouth anyone. I try and stay positive, like telling her that so-and-so got engaged, or this person is having some trouble with their kid and might need some slack. I think my boss appreciates that I know what’s up with everyone; it makes her trust that I can manage the department on a personal level.

4. Promote a healthy atmosphere. Cliques are a natural part of life, and you’re probably going to bond more with some coworkers than others. Make it a point to be inclusive. “My office is incredibly cliquey,” says Shannon, 25. “It so reminds me of high school. And in high school, I floated from group to group, stayed out of the drama, and was voted Most Popular. I do the same thing here. That way, I am guaranteed a spot on any project I want to involve myself with.

5. Brown-nose the Brown-nose. Get to know the office favorite. If the favoritism is extreme, she could be your supervisor someday; it would behoove you to become her favorite. This exact situation happened to Carla at her medical supply company. “This guy Seth was our manager’s lackey. We all hated him. But while everyone else let their feelings show, never inviting Seth to lunch, making snarky comments behind his back . . . I was always polite and friendly to him, even though it kind of killed me. Wouldn’t you know it, Seth is now our manager. But guess who was the first person he promoted?”

6. Turn anger into something positive. Don’t waste time and energy obsessing about how unfairly you are treated. Instead, see what you can do about it. “I was so pissed when a coworker got promoted over me,” Jane, a 31-year-old insurance rep sighs. “I’d been there longer, and worked harder . . . I felt like she’d been chosen because the boss always liked her better than me. She’d come in after a merger, so it was like she was ‘hand-picked’ and I was just inherited.” Jane decided to take the high road, though, and use her anger for good. “I decided to become invaluable, to make the boss regret passing me over. I put in extra hours, did amazing work, and made sure she knew about it—I requested feedback on every project, and asked her to tell me how I could improve so that I wouldn’t be passed up again. It seemed to work . . . two months later, I got an even better promotion than that annoying coworker.”