bizMe

“Working nine to five, what a way to make a living . . .” You know how the song goes. Of course, a lot has changed since Dolly Parton first sang that famous line in the opening titles of the 1980 movie. Just take the working hours—have you ever been in a job that didn’t start at eight a.m. and wasn’t keeping you busy until six or seven in the evening? Didn’t think so.

Call it office 2.0, where you gossip in cyberspace, wear jeans every day, hang out at the foosball table and order in pizzas with your boss so you can stay late to wrap up a project. Whether you’re working at a hip start-up or a stuffy blue chip, today, the line between work and social time has been blurred. The result: knowing how to get along with your coworkers is important and understanding exactly when to separate office rapport with after-work socializing is essential.

So how do you strike the perfect balance between friendly office banter and inappropriate behavior? According to Lizzie Post, great great granddaughter of the etiquette doyenne Emily Post, “in this economy, it’s more important than ever to mind your manners at work.” Because, as business communications expert Barbara Pachter says, “if you present yourself appropriately you won’t get fired . . . or passed over for a promotion.” Wise up on office protocol with these guru-sanctioned do’s and don’ts for social butterflies.

Do Your Research

New job? Before you start, be sure to find out exactly what type of office culture you’ll be joining. Gone are the days of typing pools and strict hierarchy, so deciding whether mingling with managers at lunch or befriending your boss is a no-no depends entirely on the company. “If you’re going in for that first interview find out if it’s a sandals and shorts kind of a place or suit place,” says Post. And, if in doubt, “emulate your boss,” urges Pachter.

Do Talk To Strangers

Just because you can conduct all your office communication via email doesn’t mean you can wave goodbye to basic courteousness. When stalking the office hallways remember to “be friendly to everybody,” says Pachter. “That doesn’t mean that you’re friends . . . but greeting people, saying goodbye and what I call establishing minor rapport is important. The guy you say hello to in tech support may ultimately be coming down to your desk . . . so, minor rapport will help grease the wheels at work,” states Barbara. Plus, “remember that phone calls and in-person visits are still an important part of doing business.”

Don’t Gossip . . . But Do Listen!

Let’s face it, sometimes it’s tough to avoid office gossip. And you certainly can’t always stop others’ chitchat. Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em? Not exactly says Pachter. “You don’t want to gossip, but it doesn’t hurt to know what’s going on.” Just remember to “form opinions for yourself,” advises Lizzie. And “understand that people’s emotions change from day to day. You have to take what someone’s saying about somebody else with a grain of salt.” For Post, the best way to dodge sniping without coming across as a tattletale is always to “find a way to bring the focus back to work.”

Do Maintain Your Online Presence

Ever heard the story about the girl who gets a job offer rescinded because of the drunken photos she posted on her Facebook page? How about the guy who gets fired from his job for Twittering critically about his bosses? Don’t panic, you don’t need to sign off Facebook permanently, instead “control your online persona enough to have it ok for your boss to see,” says Post. Just like dressing to impress in the office, remember that your online behavior is part of your professional image. Just recognize that “what you post will come back to haunt you and that you should have no expectation of privacy,” says Pachter. “It is important to have an online presence . . . just be the one that manages it.”

Do Socialize, Just Use Your Smarts

From happy hours to long lunches, social time can help you bond with your group. And while it’s ok to say cheers with a few drinks, “you need to know your limit. If one to two cocktails causes you to slur your speech you might want to stick to water or fruit juice for the evening,” reminds Post. Going out, having “one too many and . . . loose lips, could create a problem for you,” she warns. Instead take Pachter’s advice: “Set a limit for yourself,” or do like some executives, “order a drink you don’t like and nurse that drink all evening.”

Do Set Your Own Boundaries

So what about those close office friendships? No, we’re not talking romance here; we’re talking share-your-dirty-secrets-almost-best-pals friendships. For Barbara the first step is to be careful. “Chances are you don’t want people to know that you’re great friends with your boss. If you get an assignment other people will think that your boss is playing favorites.” Furthermore, “if you’re good friends with the other people in your group, you might find that all of a sudden you get promoted and now you’re managing these people,” she adds. “Of course, there always has to be some self-revealing of who you are as a person, not just as a coworker. But there’s a delicate balance. You don’t need to give people all the gory details.” Don’t forget, “you’re there for work. There does need to be some of the other stuff, but if it starts affecting your job then it’s too much.”

Do Know What It Takes To Get Ahead

No, you don’t need to kiss up to the higher-ups 24/7, but a few smart behaviors will keep you on the ladder to success. For example, “every once in a while bring cookies or food, it makes you seem like a team player,” suggests Pachter. And don’t be shy, spill your news. After all “it’s always important to share monumental events like getting engaged,” Barbara says. But be aware that, “if it impacts work, your boss needs to hear it from you first.” And finally as Post advises “leave your personal life at home . . . there’s a time and place to talk about these things.”

Don’t Stay In Your Comfort Zone

Expand your horizons, rethink your professional friendships and you’ll also keep yourself in a work-related social whirlwind. So instead of getting stuck in a work friendship rut, get out of the office and do as Pachter encourages: “develop yourself, take courses . . . join professional associations, offer to speak or write, get known in your profession and always continue to grow,” she counsels.

Barbara Pachter is a speaker, coach and the author of numerous business books, including The Power of Positive Confrontation and NewRules@Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead.

Lizzie Post is an etiquette blogger and the author of How Do You Work This Life Thing? Advice for the Newly Independent on Roommates, Jobs, Sex, and Everything That Counts.