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The Art and Science of Schmoozing

The networking event begins at 8 AM, and the air is electric with the tingling energy of people anticipating meeting new people. The air is fragrant with perfume and cologne and the scent of freshly brewed coffee. Your look is crisp and professional; your demeanor is calm, welcoming and open, your smile wide as you enter the event. There is a low hum of conversation, with people standing either alone or in small clusters. Though inside you feel a bit nervous and anxious you don’t let it show because you are a schmoozing machine with relaxed body language that says I’m confident, fearless, intelligent and ready to meet my fellow business people. You don’t giggle, stutter or tap your hands or feet nervously. Your shoulders aren’t bunched around your ears. Your arms are at your sides, you scan the room, looking for a person who is also new to this, evinced by their slightly nervous demeanor or their eyes scanning the crowd, and you approach, striding slowly and without hesitation. You look this pleasant person in the eye, stick out your hand, shake firmly and say, “Hi, my name is Susan Schmoozalot, with WXZ Widgets, it’s wonderful to meet you.”

You ask what this new-found associate does, how long they’ve been with their company, and you listen intently to their reply. You discuss, briefly, how your business connects with their business, and then you move on to two other folks in the room, never spending more than 15 minutes with any one person or group. Your stance is open, you don’t cross your arms, frown or fidget, and you listen with empathy and understanding in your eyes. You exude a savvy, kind attitude that signals to others that you’re not frivolous, immature or stupid. You speak clearly, you don’t use euphemisms, cursing or street language, and you smile with your mouth and your eyes.

Making a Connection

So how do you effectively work a room and make connections with other business professionals at any given event? Amy Wheeler, owner of Avalon Project Partners and president of Referral Masters Business Networking International (BNI), a networking group, said the first thing to remember is to go easy on the alcohol. “You’re there as a professional, so you need to understand that this isn’t a date and that alcohol can impair your judgment and your ability to be taken seriously as a business person” she said. “You need to be clean and dress conservatively, look people in the eye and shake their whole hand firmly, and I recommend that you don’t carry a drink with you as that can be awkward when you’re trying to shake hands and acquaint yourself with others.”

Wheeler notes that projecting an air of confidence and warmth is essential, as is picking out someone who looks as nervous as you’re feeling on the inside, approaching them and introducing yourself. “Say hi, and ask this person what they do for a living,” Wheeler said. “Most people are comfortable talking about their work, and it gives you a moment to exchange cards. You should make note of something about that person and the conversation on the back of the card so you’ll be able to follow up with a personalized email after the event” It’s important to have the mindset of how you can help the other business people you’ve just met get referrals rather than to focus on what they can do for you. “If you help one person make a connection that helps their business, they will think you’re the most wonderful person on the planet, and they will eventually help you, more than once,” she said. This golden rule of doing unto others as you’d have them do to you will serve to increase your popularity and stature in the business community.

Tips from the Pros

Valerie Thiebert, owner of Network of Dreams professional networking services, and founder of Women of Our Community, a women’s networking group in Washington, believes networking can help business women find clients that are specific to their business. “You can give the personal touch to your business by reaching out to those who can become clients,” Thiebert said. “I will always drive out of my way to shop or receive services at a place that knows me.” Thiebert believes finding a mentor increases your chances of success threefold. “Don’t be afraid to ask someone who has been successful in your field, or a field similar to yours, to help you with some advice and guidelines,” she said. “Don’t worry about payback for this person, eventually you will be able to help them in some way, once you are established. Mentors can provide invaluable insights into the local business community, who it is important to know, and where to best meet people who will be helpful to your career.”

Having a good idea of what want to say to people you meet at an event can make you less nervous, so Thiebert recommends that you write a 30 second synopsis of your business goals, with several talking points on how you can relate to the business needs of others. Thiebert also recommends that you be approachable, yet savvy and confident as you walk into a networking situation. “People need to look at you and know that you’re mature enough to handle the responsibility of a business,” she said. “So dressing professionally, not overdoing the make up, wearing sturdy and comfortable heels, not flip flops or mini-skirts is vital to your success.” If you are new to the organization whose event you’re attending, take a friend with you, and make a goal of talking to just one or two new people at a time, notes Thiebert, and then come back and talk to your friend and regroup for a second round of introducing yourself. “By talking to just two new people at a time, you don’t feel so scared and overwhelmed,” she said. “Pick people with a friendly smile and open body language, that is with arms not crossed, but at the side, and standing casually either alone or in a small group.” Practice your introduction of Hi, my name is, and this is what I do, what do you do? in the mirror, in the car, or with a friend, so your introduction will be smooth and polished. “Afterwards, debrief with a friend, and discuss what went well and what you could have done better,” she said. ” It will teach you to find what makes you feel confident and what to avoid in the future.”

Sizing up the crowd

Jenny Zappala, president of the Western Washington Society of Professional Journalists and reporter for MSNBC has schmoozed with fellow journalists at Press Club nights and other events for years. She recommends begin by taking the temperature of the room before you enter fully into it. “It’s like getting in a swimming pool,” she said “First you stick your toe in to see if the water’s cold, then your leg, then your body. You can do that with a room by observing, noticing if this is a raucous crowd that’s chatting at full volume, or if it’s an intellectual group that is discussing and debating, or is there a lot of sports metaphors being tossed about and backslapping or other physicalities going on?” “Once you gauge the group dynamic, you’ll know how to adjust your demeanor to fit the situation,” said Zappala, and “you will fit in faster.”

Sven Mogelgaard, CEO of Byte Slaves Computing Inc has been a networking ace for eight years, and feels that recognizing body language is key to developing networking skills. “A great deal depends on how people are standing,” Mogelgaard said. “If you see a group huddled together, talking in low tones, they’re excluding you. If they’re open to approach, they’re generally in a small group of 2-3 people and standing with an open formation, not a closed circle, and they’re looking outwards, hoping for others to join in.” Mogelgaard recommends that you don’t interrupt a private discussion, but if you spy a small group that looks open, with people in a relaxed stance, approach, say “Excuse me, I’m —-, from ——, and you are?” Humor and a flirtatious attitude are counterproductive, noted Mogelgaard, mainly because what is funny to one person isn’t to another, and flirting offends other businesswomen and will keep the men in the crowd from taking you seriously. “You also want the web between your forefinger and your thumb to touch the other persons during your handshake, and make sure your hands are dry before you shake,” he said. “Never present someone with your fingers or a limp hand.”

Take 10-15 minutes to talk to each group or individual, and don’t get so caught up in conversation that you spend all your time with the same people, said our experts. It takes 3 to 5 times attending an event before you’ll become ‘known’ so don’t give up if it seems like you’re just another face in the crowd. Remember, the phone doesn’t ring if you stay at home, so get out there and mix it up with your local business and community groups!

Eliminate the fear factor and make networking events your comfort zone:

• Dress professionally in a suit, dress or slacks and a nice blouse with a jacket or shawl. Be well groomed but use make-up sparingly.
• Take plenty of business cards and have your 30-second introduction ready. Make notes on the back of the business cards you receive so you’ll remember that person when following up the next day.
• Do not pick up a drink until you’re done networking, as it can be distracting, and do not have more than one drink.
• Shake the other person’s hand firmly but do not try to crush their palms; this isn’t an arm-wrestling contest.
• Eat lightly before you go, so you’re not starving and distracted by an empty stomach the entire evening.
• Project a positive, confident and savvy demeanor. Be friendly, polite, smile and be yourself.
• Meet people as individuals or small groups of 2-3 people at a time, and work your way around the room.
• Find out how you can help the business people you meet and make connections with other business people in your field.
• Networking web sites: thesavvynetworker.com, biznik.com, bni.com, letip.com, girlpowerhour.com, and womenofourcommunity.com.
• Don’t forget your local Chamber of Commerce, which usually has business luncheons and events for business people in your town.
• Find a mentor or a friend to help you role-play your introduction and debrief you after the event.