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How to build, maintain and grow your circle of influence

They seem to know everyone worth knowing. At work, people almost always return their calls. You have to book a lunch date with them far in advance because their schedules are so packed. They are the networkers, people who seem to have tentacles that reach astoundingly far into their communities.

How exactly do they do it? Are they born with the gift of sociability? Do they have some magic aura that attracts other people to them like teens to “American Idol”? And more importantly, how can you position yourself to get dusted with a little of the magic?

Trust me when I say this: While it’s true there are a few lucky souls who effortlessly gather a community around them, for all the rest of us, the task requires a smart strategy, delicately but deliberately employed and maintained throughout our lives.

Being a good networker can help you in myriad ways. Those in your network can, for example, help you land a job, meet new clients, be available if you have business questions, give you creative energy, get a date, find a good real estate agent, advise you on where to get help for a loved one, or get you and your party of eight a table at a hot new restaurant on a Saturday night. They are, in short, your support system in both work and life.

Your network should include not just family and friends, but also co-workers, acquaintances, friends of friends, neighbors, former classmates, your parents’ friends, mentors, bosses and others. Following are some action tips to get started building your own community.

The Laws of Networking

The first rule to remember: Networking is not a game with a score card. And it’s not about reciprocity or back-scratching. It’s also not about schmoozing with people only when you need help. Ick, that’s the smarmy way of networking.

Rather, it’s about connecting with people, helping them, being involved in their lives and being a resource to them. Go into it with that mindset, and you will naturally over time build relationships with friends, colleagues, mentors and others who will want to help you when you need some assistance or guidance.

“The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity,” writes Keith Ferrazzi, founder and CEO of marketing and sales consulting firm FerrazziGreenlight, in his book “Never Eat Alone” (Currency Books), which outlines the author’s renowned networking tactics. The goal, he writes, is to become the center of a circle of trusting relationships. “Those who are best at networking don’t actually network – they make friends,” Ferrazzi contends. “A widening circle of influence is an unintended result, not a calculated aim.”

So how do you become influential? One way is to become a resource to others — at least, that’s how I do it.

I like being resourceful, and as a magazine chief editor it’s also a crucial part of my job description. I need to know a lot of people: writers, photographers, graphic designers as well as those who can give us information for the articles we plan to publish. Additionally, I must know trends and stay on the cutting edge of issues important to my readers and the industries I cover.

To help with those tasks, I don’t just build a rolodex – although that’s important. Rather, I have built a community of advisors, readers, contributors and others all willing to help my magazines to succeed. In return, I connect people with one another. (OK, and I give publicity when it’s warranted.) I’ll give you an example of the ripple effects one deed can have.

In a previous job I was the editor of a trade magazine for the catalog and online marketing industry. One day a reader called to say he had a new product that he wanted help selling to our readers. Buying an ad in our magazine or submitting a press release wasn’t appropriate for his product. He needed to hire contract sales representatives who would get his product sold through catalog companies. But I didn’t know of any reps for his type of product.

So I sent a short e-mail to 10 people I knew in the industry, and within a few days we had a list of seven independent sales reps, two of which the reader eventually hired. He sent me a product sample (it was very nice!) and a lovely hand-written note thanking me for helping his company.

In return I made a reader happy (always a plus in my business). The people who gave me the contacts were happy to refer their independent reps to other non-competing marketers (puts them in good stead with those reps). The reps were happy to get the lead and remembered they GOT IT via my magazine (good for building buzz around my publication). And today I smile whenever I see that product in catalogs or online sales channels.

The point is that I could have told the reader, “I don’t know of any reps. Sorry.” He called me during a particularly grueling magazine production day, so I was momentarily compelled to do just that. However, helping him gave me a chance to build my network.
You may ask at this point: How did I know those 10 people who would drop what they were doing to open my e-mail and share with me business-sensitive information such as their sales reps names and contact information? The key is in selecting the right people for your network and then gaining a reputation among them for being trustworthy.

Build Your Network

Let’s get this out of the way: When you meet new people, give a firm handshake, look them in the eye and try not to say anything overtly offensive. Also, dress appropriately for the occasion, practice light chit-chat, send thank-you notes to people who have helped you and try to position yourself so you’ll meet as many new people as possible.

While all of those things are important, they merely get your foot in the networking door. Most successful networkers say they expect people they meet to act as noted above, but when selecting people to add to their communities, they look for those who are trustworthy, like-minded, selfless and good old fashioned nice.

Think about it: You don’t want to add that gal in accounting who gossips incessantly so that she comes off as being “in the know” or that slick-haired guy in your spinning class who leers at every woman climbing onto a bike. Double ick.

Instead, look for people who don’t have personal agendas they’re trying to advance, notes Peggy Hatch, president of the Philadelphia-based Target Marketing Group, a family of magazines and e-newsletters, and considered in the Philadelphia publishing world to be a master networker. Hatch says finding selfless and trustworthy people is especially important if you are trying to gather people to work on a project or committee. “Make sure the person is tied into the mission and is not just out for themselves,” she notes.

You also don’t want to add to your network only those people whom you think can help your career, because in reality you have no way of truly knowing who can and can’t help your work life. Before founding PFJ Consulting, Pamela Jacobs worked in the financial services field. During her tenure, she was nice to everyone: receptionists, administrative assistants, CEOs, doormen and vice presidents. “You never know when you might need these people,” she says. And one day she did.

“I was late for an important meeting because I couldn’t find a parking spot. The parking attendant, with whom I had previously struck up a friendly relationship, came to my rescue and valet parked my car so I could make the meeting,” she recalls. “That certainly was not part of his job.”

The lesson here: Don’t limit your network to movers and shakers. I always try to befriend the people who work in the IT departments of company’s at which I work. First off, I generally like technical people (my husband is an engineer), and I admire what IT people do for a living. I bring them books and magazines I think they might like. I stop and chat because I find them down-to-earth, well-read and interesting. If I make goodies for the office, I save some for the IT department (and they’re always surprised, because apparently few people do that).

And on more than one occasion they have come rushing to help me recover files, clean up my hard drive to make it run faster or track down my e-mails lost in the queue. Of course, I don’t befriend these kind folks simply to get special attention when I need it, but that is the downstream effect of building friendly and trusting relationships with them.

The same goes for the people who work in your company’s mailroom, your boss’s assistant, the human resources manager, your parents’ friends or the woman who pours your Starbucks every morning. Niceness counts.

Do’s and Don’ts to Networking Success
Following are some specific steps you can employ to build, maintain and grow your circle of influence.

Don’t be overly stoic. Americans in particular tend to view themselves as independent and able to handle every situation alone. Call it the Cowgirl Syndrome. And while self-reliance is no doubt a good trait to develop, there are times when you need a wee bit of help. That’s why . . .

Do share your specific goals with people. People can’t assist you if they don’t know exactly what it is that you need. Jacobs recalls a time when being articulate about her goals helped her to reach them. “A few years ago I gave myself the summer off and planned to return to work in the fall. But come August the phone wasn’t ringing, and I didn’t have work lined up. I was getting nervous,” she notes. “I mentioned this to my network of friends at dinner, and they asked me what I wanted to do. I was proud of myself that I was clear and articulate about the work I was seeking. And one woman had a family business that she needed help with, and she hired me. But I needed the confidence to say, ‘I need help.’ And then I had to be clear and concise when describing what help I needed.”

Do build your network continually. It’s a myth to think you begin building or adding to your network only when you need to, says Ferrazzi. Rather, smart networkers are building all of the time, so that when they need contacts, they’re readily available.

Don’t gossip. People won’t trust that you can be discreet when they need you to be.

Do gravitate to positive people, because the alternative can drag down your spirit and deflate your self-esteem. Worse, negative people can make you want to stop tapping into a network that includes them.

Do try to get to know people as individuals, not just as co-workers or customers. I once worked with a woman who was bright, but a little brusque at times. I found myself hesitating on tasks in which I had to contact her. One day she and I were working on a committee together, and I made a real effort to learn more about her. Turns out she has a daughter with health problems I know a little about, and I was able to be a resource to her for information and medical contacts. But mostly I gave my co-worker an empathetic ear and a chance to let her guard down. From that day forward, we had a friendly and comfortable working relationship. Which leads me to . . .

Do help people find solutions to their problems. By being viewed as a problem-solver, you become someone worth knowing.

Do look for people who are like-minded and share your passion. You’ll find them in work (paid or volunteer), church, alumni associations, your neighborhood, the gym, just about anywhere you go during your normal day. “The key,” says Hatch, “is to find people with whom you would feel comfortable sorting out your problems, as you hope they would feel with you.”

Do take an active role in your network. “Take the time to deepen friendships,” Hatch continues. “Go to lunch or for a drink after work, or meet them for breakfast.” If they live elsewhere, stay in touch via phone and e-mail, and make time to visit them when you’re in their areas. Hatch is a member of Connected Women, an informal group – founded by Jacobs – with branches in Philadelphia and New York City. Members meet quarterly for dinner. They take turns hosting cocktails, after which they go to dinner Dutch treat. People can and do bring guests. Says Jacobs, “It’s about people getting connected into a community. Everything from there happens organically. Each person steps up to help the others when she can. We have helped women and their friends and family to get jobs, get relocated, answer questions, whatever they need.”

Do develop a system to keep track of your network. No doubt, time pressures plague you, as they do for all of us. But by devising a system for maintaining contacts, you can save yourself time down the road while also further solidifying your relationships. Hatch uses the contact module on her computer. She makes notes about the people she meets, for example, where she met them and then something about them. “People often are surprised when I later on remember something specific about them, but the truth is that I took the time to write it down while it was still fresh in my mind,” she notes. Then she easily and quickly can call up the information when it’s needed.

Do help others. Get involved in projects in and outside of your employer. For example, at work, volunteer for leadership, diversity or mentoring committees, Jacobs suggests. Help with the company newsletter or to plan the company picnic or holiday party. Outside of work, volunteer for organizations (e.g., political, social, cultural) whose mission you care about. “Shared interests are the basic building blocks of any relationship,” writes Ferrazzi.

Do remain open to the wonderful ways that networking can enhance your life. Hatch says she enjoys the creative ideas and energy she gets from others who are excited about things going on in their lives. “They also help me to hash through issues related to work or life,” she says. “When you’re down, you can get support, kindness and a sense of camaraderie from your community.”

Building a network of people ready to help, guide and support you is a task worth doing. Such a community will open doors for you, enrich your life and reward you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

Donna Loyle is the senior editor of specialty publications for Broad Street Magazines, a sister company to the Philadelphia Inquirer.