Gender Differences: The Workplace Showdown
“What’s the deal with women in this office?” male workers complain. Conversely, a woman might be overheard saying: ”He’s such a man in the way he acts.” Clearly, the two poles in the gender gap don’t always see eye to eye’ or behave in the same way in the workplace.
To delve into the differences between the genders in the workplace, bizMe sought out three experts in the field. Our experts offer their opinions on how to interpret the male versus female showdown in the workplace.
Pat Heim, Ph.D., is a best-selling author (In the Company of Women) and president of the Heim Group, a workplace communications consultancy based in Pacific Palisades, California. She is internationally recognized as an expert in the area of research on gender issues and differences in the workplace.
She says that when talking about gender differences one must make the distinction between stereotyping and generalizing. “Generalizing is saying we’re going to look at the middle of the bell curve. That’s where the bulk of the cases are. That’s generalization. But bell curves also have tails, so there are always exceptions. Stereotyping is when you look at one case and say all cases are the same way.”
She said there are two main workplace differences that are “hard-wired” into the sexes.
Generally speaking, men are more hierarchical, she said. That is, men like “pecking orders.” On the other hand, women tend to share power more equally.
“You can see it in the games children play,” Heim said. “When you think ‘boy’ you think of games such as baseball and basketball” and war. There’s always a coach, a captain ’a person at the top of the hierarchy’ and boys always know where they are within that structure. They want to move up but they know where they are. Then, consider what girls play: dolls and houses. There’s never a boss doll player. If a girl tries to be the boss doll, she quickly loses friends.”
Heim’s book In the Company of Women discusses the fact that women can’t wield power in the same way men do.
“Many women who have female bosses react negatively if that boss says, “I want it done this way, so do it this way.” The underlying feeling then becomes one of ’Who does she think she is?!’ Well, she’s your boss. She’s supposed to tell you what to do. But women bosses who are authoritative are seen that way.”
Another scenario: A few women work together in a group and one of them is made the boss of the group. “All hell breaks out. She has violated the unsaid rule that power should be shared equally.”
Women have to manage power differently, Heim said. Both male and female subordinates expect women bosses to be more egalitarian when it comes to leading. “She has to play down her power in a way a man doesn’t have to worry about. Women will say that’s unfair. Yes, I agree. But, it’s also true.”
Heim’s second ‘hard-wired’ distinction between men and women in the workplace is the difference, respectively, between a goal focus and a process focus.
“It’s hunting vs. shopping,” she said. “For example, one weekend a women wants to go out and buy a black skirt. Her boyfriend moans about going along but eventually relents. At the mall, he makes a beeline for the nearest women’s clothing store. She finds her size, and he says, “Great, let’s go home.” She says, “But I’d like to look in other stores. And while we’re here, why don’t we have lunch.” In his mind, he’s a hunter and he’s ‘killed’ the black skirt. But she wants the process of just hanging out with him.”
The same dynamic plays out in the workplace, Heim says. “A woman goes into a male coworker’s office and says, “I’m having some difficulty with this project. He says ‘Do X.’ In his mind, he’s killed the problem. But she didn’t want him to kill the problem. She wanted to talk it over with him. She then goes to others for advice. When he hears about that, he feels tricked.”
A woman who tries to take a man through a long process of looking at a host of options is risking having herself viewed as “touchy-feely.”
“Ninety-nine percent of all humans that have ever lived have been hunter-gatherers. Males have been the killers and women have been the gatherers. Killing is an event. Gathering is a process.”
Realizing this, Heim advises women who are going to interact with male peers or bosses to “get to the bottom line really quickly.”
“Go in and say, ‘We’ve got this problem. I’ve looked at several options and I’ve come to the conclusion that X is the right way.’ If the men want further elaborations, they’ll ask questions.”
Lori Blewett, Ph.D. is a professor of Communication Studies at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. She says that, while there is a large body of research on communication differences between men and women, the most important thing to keep in mind is that the similarities far outweigh the differences.
“Popular myth and media tell us that ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus.’ But academic research tells us that it would be more accurate to say men are from Iowa and women are from Illinois” she said.
It turns out, she said, that male and female communication behaviors are influenced by a whole range of social factors including ethnic culture, class, education, family norms, and most importantly the gender expectations and attitudes evoked in a particular context.
“Even when there are statistically significant gender differences, the differences tend to be very small and tell us nothing about the behavior of any single individual.”
For example, one of the few communication differences that appears (fairly conclusively) to have a biological basis is the tendency for females to be more accurate than males in reading non-verbal communication. “This gender difference may come into play in a business environment, but I wouldn’t bank on it,” she said. “Men can certainly learn to read non-verbal communication as well, as any good poker player will tell you. I advise my business students to be aware of gender differences, but even more importantly, to be aware of their own biases and expectations that people should communicate in a certain way simply because they are male or female.”
As an example, she said, soft-spoken, collaborative men may be overlooked for leadership positions because they don’t conform to a gender stereotype, even though they might make highly effective leaders. Similarly, forthright, competitive women are often caught in a gender-stereotype double bind, she said. “If they don’t act assertively, they may be seen as unable to successfully compete with male colleagues. But if they do act assertively, they may be seen as too ‘bitchy’ meaning unfeminine to work with.”
Not only women lose when these stereotypes are maintained, but businesses lose, too, by failing to capitalize on their employees capabilities, she said.
“Both women and men have the ability to be accommodating, collaborative, or authoritarian. For example, think about the contradictory stereotype of a woman being simultaneously a submissive secretary and a domineering mother. We need to remember that the communication differences we attribute to being male or female have more to do with differing relations of power ‘and related socialization’ than with innate communication abilities. Businesses that accommodate and encourage multiple communication styles in male and female employees have the greatest potential for successfully meeting complex communication needs.”
Sondra Thiederman, Ph.D., is president of Cross-Cultural Communications, a San Diego-based training firm. She is one of the nation’s leading experts on workplace diversity, cross-cultural business and bias reduction.
Generally speaking, women tend to put more emphasis on building relationships in the workplace than men do, she says. The ramification of that is that women will communicate in a more relationship-building style. They will communicate requests in a softer fashion. An order will sound more like a request than an order.
“Now women who say, ‘The relationship-oriented approach isn’t going to get me where I want to go. It will be perceived as weakness. I’m going to act more like a man.” What happens when they get to a leadership position within the organization, their colleagues, both men and women, will say they’re ‘harsh.’ Whereas a man can do the same thing and be seen as authoritative.”
Another difference: men tend to work at one thing at a time and women tend to multi-task, according to Thiederman. “I can see this big time in my marriage. I can sit here and take notes, watch TV and carry on a conversation, but when I ask my husband a question, he has to stop whatever he’s doing and focus on me.”
In the workplace, people with these opposing styles tend to judge one another too harshly.
“I may look at the focused person and think they’re unimaginative or even a little stupid. They look at me and think I’m scattered and disorganized.”
With all gender differences in the workplace, the best advice is to alter your behavior as the situation dictates, she said. And be willing to accept other approaches from other people.
“What matters in the workplace is the job being done to a quality level and in a timely fashion. Past that, we shouldn’t care how people do their jobs. Be flexible. Sometimes one approach may work. Another time, another approach works. Be ‘softer’ when you know that being that way is going to be more effective at building a relationship and gaining credibility. Conversely, sometimes being authoritarian is called for. You’re not putting on an act. You’re just acting within a continuum.”
