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I’m a new parent. I tell you this not just as a warning-those in the throws of babydom deserve special dispensation, so please excuse any cheesy clichés or sweeping generalizations that pop up in this article—but because it has caused me to think very carefully about birth order. See, dealing with a colicky newborn makes one balk at the idea of creating yet another life, a sibling that you will most likely screw up, resulting in massive therapy bills for not one but two of your offspring later in life.

I mentioned this one-and-done theory to my husband recently, and he visibly balked. “My son is NOT going to be an only child,” he announced. “Only children don’t play well with others. Do you want our kid to be selfish and socially inept?”

This type of unexpected vitriol from my normally mild-mannered spouse took me by surprise. But it also got me thinking—what other stereotypes do we hold about birth order? Is there any truth to these theories? And regardless of whether it’s a case of perception or fact, can your place as a youngest, eldest, middle or only child affect your career trajectory?

Unlike other ways to “predict” personality, like astrology or numerology, birth order is considered a legitimate (albeit controversial) theory, and has been studied by economists, psychologists, and medical professionals. Alfred Adler, an Austrian physician/psychologist and contemporary of Freud, was the first to really examine how your place in the family can affect your psychology. (Interesting fact: if you’ve ever dismissed an ex-boyfriend as having an inferiority complex, you have Adler to thank.) Some researchers and psychologists have denounced birth order theory, but there are many who believe that our place in the nuclear family can have long-reaching implications on our lives—and even our livelihood.

Nature or Nurture?

My older brother will be happy to know that he’s been right all along—firstborns really are smarter. A group of Norwegian researchers discovered that firstborns could lord three IQ points over their baby brothers and sisters. But this might be a case of nurture rather than nature. Parents tend to focus more attention on their firstborns, for several reasons. First, it’s never a guarantee that there will be any more children, so it’s a biological imperative to put all our proverbial eggs into the firstborn’s basket. Second, there’s just more time available to spend with a firstborn or only child; once that second baby comes along, parents have to split hours, energy and money between the two kids. It’s not really surprising that firstborns do better in school and are more attentive and responsible, when you consider how much Baby Einstein, flashcard time and doting that is given to a first or only child.

Still, does it really matter how we got to be the way we are? If you’re a parent attempting to raise kids on a totally even playing field, or a psychologist studying this topic, then yes. But for our purpose, only one question remains: does your place in the family predict your management potential, how much money you stand to make, or even how you fare in the hiring process? First things (or firstborns) first: let’s examine the stereotypes surrounding birth order and how they play into the way we work.

Oldest and wisest . . .

If you are the eldest in your family, start doing a little victory dance. You’re the most likely to earn a six-figure salary and hold a senior management position. This is likely due to your interests in early life and how well you did in school—a 2008 study published in the Journal of Career Assessment found that firstborns flock to intellectual pursuits, while Julie Badger of the Aston University in Birmingham, UK discovered that oldest kids are the most responsible.

Michael Grose, a leading parenting expert and author of seven books including Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It, tells me that a recent Australian study showed that nearly 50% of all small businesses were owned and operated by firstborns. “This is an over-representation of that cohort and no coincidence as they are more likely to be hard-driven, achievement-oriented, (and) used to organizing and assuming responsibility for others.”

Firstborns gravitate to fields that require ambition and intellect, including law, engineering and medicine. “First children are often practical, confident, able to delegate and make rapid decisions and possess the desire to win or excel . . . This can translate into exceptional management skills and a rapid career path,” claims writer Jeffery Moses in an article for the National Federation of Independent Businesses. But on the flip side, he writes, “firstborns may be intolerant of those who do not work at 100 percent capacity. They may not be the best team players, since they always had the upper hand on younger siblings. They can be disappointed if passed over in promotions for younger workers and may be overly cautious and avoid risks, hindering career advancement.”

This comes as no surprise to elementary school teacher Kelley MacDonald, of Braintree, Massachusetts, who calls her firstborn students “very responsible and a bit more independent.” However, the same pressure exerted by parents on their first children that creates intelligence and organization can also create undue stress. “Sometimes my firstborns put a bit too much pressure on themselves to do the best. I have also noticed with my firstborn girls, that they tend to be sensitive and sometimes unsure of themselves. This could stem from putting too much pressure on themselves to be perfect and get it right.”

Still, as flaws go, perfectionism is a pretty good one. A 2007 Time Magazine article alluded to several studies concerning birth order and career, which found that majority of CEOs, surgeons, M.B.A.s, and congressmen are firstborns.

Whoa, baby . . .

If the firstborns get the fat paychecks and lucrative positions, what does that leave for the rest of us? Welcome to the world of the youngest siblings, who learn early on to fight for attention. If the firstborns are the kings and queens of the family, then the babies are the jesters, using humor and theatrics to keep their place at court.

Youngest kids may not make the big bucks—a CareerBuilder.com survey found that most last-borns hold administrative and clerical positions, were least likely to earn six figure incomes, and were the least satisfied with their jobs—but they have some advantages. If parents have focused more energy on older siblings, that usually means the eldest have been subjected to far more pressure to excel. On the other hand, the baby is often coddled and allowed to explore more creative or “risky” interests (studies have shown that there’s a preponderance of younger siblings in contact sports). They also often use humor as a way to negotiate with older siblings or grab attention for themselves. Thus, many of our beloved artists, comedians and entertainers are last-borns.

The youngest also have an advantage when it comes to interpersonal relations. “Youngest children tend to work the best with others because they are used to being around other kids, particularly those that come from large families,” says MacDonald. Later-borns score higher on agreeableness in most personality tests, probably because they have to navigate family dynamics. Unlike firstborns, who had the advantage of being the cherished only child, if only for a short time, youngest siblings need to carve their own place in the family structure. By finding creative ways to do so, they learn an early lesson in diplomacy—and in a slightly more negative sense, they figure out the fine art of manipulation. But this makes lastborns well suited for positions where relationships and salesmanship are key: advertising, journalism, sales and the performing arts.

Grose admits that firstborns and only children are more suited to long term projects and getting things accomplished than youngest borns, but, he says, “Give me a youngest any day to add some spice, humor and spark to an organization. They tend to be the more creative souls.”

Stuck in the middle with you . . .

Ah, the middle child. Constantly stuck in that terrible middle seat in the family car, the one that doesn’t even have a proper seatbelt. Not the cherished oldest or the coddled baby, the middle child is in no-man’s land most of the time, and the world of birth order theory treats them no differently. While there is plenty of research available on firstborns, lastborns, and even only children, the data related to middles sounds mostly like regurgitated info about the lastborns. Unfortunately, you can’t really blame the researchers—middle children are a tough group to study. They start out as the baby, after all; then, as soon as they are adjusting to their station in the family structure, another baby comes along to displace them. And later on, the firstborn might move out of the house, relegating them to a new status (as the new oldest) once again. It can be a confusing situation, both for the middle child herself and the researcher trying to study her psyche.

The data we do have on middle children and how they fare professionally suggests that they do wonderfully in mediating or negotiating positions. Diana Michaels, a middle-child musician and small business owner in Scottsdale, AZ is a great compromiser, and will go to great lengths to keep the peace. For this, she credits family road trips. “My brother and sister would be screaming at each other, and my dad would just lean his arm back and smack whoever was in the middle on the leg. And as the middle child, I was always in the middle seat.” In order to avoid unnecessary pain, she’d practice diplomacy between her bossy older sister and whiny baby brother. Nowadays, she handles the diva opera singers she accompanies on the piano, and the various vendors serving her pet-product business with the same aplomb.

As the caretakers and peacemakers, middle children are attracted to careers like nursing and law enforcement. According to CareerBuilder.com’s survey, while they earn less than their firstborn and lastborn counterparts, they are actually the most satisfied with their jobs. And although they may have to work a bit harder to find their place, they are the least likely to feel obligated to fit any particular role. In essence, the world is the middle child’s oyster—once they can get out of that dreaded middle seat and ride shotgun!

Only the lonely . . .

Only children are similar to firstborns, with a bit of neurosis mixed in. Only children earn high salaries and excel in school and work, but they often have trouble delegating or dealing with underlings. High school teacher Jessica Waldstein of Mansfield, Missouri, claims that in her experience, “only children can follow one of two paths . . . Half act more like over-achieving firstborns and the other half have entitlement issues and demand respect just because they decided to show up to class.”

MacDonald calls her only-child students “mini-adults”, which fits with research findings that describe these solo children as more confident and articulate than other kids. Perhaps because they don’t have anyone to play with, only children also tend to be more creative. They need to be everything to their parents, and everything to themselves. While this can cause perfectionist, egotistical tendencies, it also breeds the ingenuity and self-reliance that are the cornerstones of career success.

Birth Order and Career: The Reality

It’s not as if employers ask about birth order on job applications, but your status as eldest, youngest or otherwise can affect you in more insidious ways. If you believe Adler, then our place in the family can touch the deepest parts of our psyches. Kate Abend, an environmental policy organizer in Washington DC who is responsible for many hiring decisions, says that people often bring up birth order on their own during interviews. “You’ll ask a potential hire if they are comfortable presenting to a large group or organizing an event, and in answering, the person will mention ‘well, I’m an only child’, or ‘I’m the oldest so I’m used to making sure all the trains run on time’. It becomes part of people’s identity.”

Still, just because you’re the fun-loving youngest or a typically low-earning middle, doesn’t mean you can’t get that corner office or a six-figure salary, especially nowadays. We know that firstborns and only children have historically earned more and held higher-level positions, while the babies (and sometimes the middles) are the risk takers. But in this economy, with formerly “stable” career paths in the financial and corporate sectors becoming pink-slip-scattered minefields, who comes out ahead? Might the risk takers fare better in this new world?

According to the Time article, “research by Ben Dattner, a business consultant and professor of industrial and organizational psychology at New York University, is showing that even when later-borns take conservative jobs in the corporate world, they approach their work in a high-wire way . . . Later-born CEOs are more inclined to blow up the trains and lay new track. ‘Later-borns are better at transformational change,’ says Dattner. ‘They pursue riskier, more innovative, more creative approaches.’”

No matter what, you don’t need to be held back by your birth order any more than your hair color or astrological sign (although CareerBuilder claims that Aquarians tend to earn less, so as a youngest child with a February birthday I’m really in trouble . . . but I digress). Yes, birth order may affect our personalities, but that doesn’t mean we need to fit into any certain categories.

Abend, for example, is the youngest of two, who despite her status as the baby holds a very prestigious, highly intellectual position. But, she explains, “What I do is not what a lot of people would traditionally consider to be a ‘high powered successful role’. I love it and think it’s important, but it’s more behind the scenes. I’m not the one who’s very often quoted in the newspapers. When I meet with lawmakers, I’m just there to answer policy questions; I’m not the focus of the meeting—the focus is what’s happening in the state—and I like that. I feel like I’m having an impact but I’m not necessarily in the spotlight.” Considering youngest kids supposedly crave all eyes on them, doesn’t this make Abend a birth order anomaly? Not so, she says. “Maybe there’s a work/play element to that, because when I’m with my friends I love being the center of attention. I just feel less of a need to be that way in a work situation.”

The Upshot of Sibling Sequence

Considering all the recent studies on the topic, it is certainly worth examining how birth order can affect our professional lives. But even Alfred Adler didn’t insist
that the characteristics attributed to birth order were present at birth, or in any way set in stone. “Adler did not believe it was simply the order of birth that influenced a child’s character, but rather it was the child’s environment, as well as their natural instinct or interpretation of their birth order which molded personalities,” says Nina Guilbeau, author of Birth Order and Parenting, in an article for BellaOnline.

Birth order theory might be useful as yet another personality “assessment” to help guide those undecided about their career path. Or, perhaps it could help hiring managers find balance in their work force—Grose suggests that birth order influences how people work within organizations, with the firstborns taking the roles of organizers, the middles acting as the peacemakers, and the last-borns adding a much needed creative spark.

Still, in the end, aren’t we more than just where we fall in the family order? In the words of John Dewey (the third in a family of four children, so basically a middle child himself), “the self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.” Nicely put, Mr. Dewey. I guess middle children really are good at keeping the peace.